The Virgin Mary seems to make many appearances in various forms, somehow projecting a mystical aura more powerful than four-year-old hopped up on Froot Loops and cotton candy. But instead of projecting her ethereal image into the heavens above for all to see, or simply haunting a middle-class duplex like a civil Poltergeist, she instead seems to prefer making her presence known through unimpressive water stains and burnt toast.
These dubious techniques leave much to be desired by the masses expecting a rock ‘n roll laser light show live at Buddakan, chock full of spectacular miracles and visions. Instead we’re left to believe in the everlasting love found in the hereafter via signs found in tree stumps and fence posts.
Appearing in the toast of a cheese sandwich, the Virgin Mary gives a shout out to her homies.
The Virgin Mary appears under a freeway underpass. The faithful turned out in droves swinging bibles and rocking their faith.
Appearing as a blob of chocolate, the Virgin Mary apparently has a place in her heart for candy makers.
Looking prettier than Val Kilmer before he got hit repeatedly about the head and shoulders with an ugly stick, Mary glistens with prismatic rainbow hues in the windows of an office complex.
Tree stump Mary. I know, I know…I’m rolling my eyes as hard as I can. Can you feel it?
The Virgin Mary wields supernatural powers, revealing herself to the world in the form of a pretzel.
The Virgin Mary appears in the form of a fence post….comeon, what the heck? Should I continue wasting my time with this blog post?
Apparently up to date with modern technology, the Virgin Mary appears in an MRI scan.
Imagine the shock and awe of the gardener who discovered the Virgin Mary hiding inside the rotting husk of the next door neighbor’s tree…
Mary appearing on a wicked skipping stone.
Mary, with apparently nothing else to do, appears as a scorch on the bottom of a pizza pan.
Don’t get me wrong. If you believe that the mother of Jesus Christ has nothing better to do than reveal herself in the crust of your child’s PB&J then hey, more power to you. Me, I’d like to think that there is a higher power, but that power has better things to do than show itself to a bunch of fervent faithful in the form of a broken tree branch. I’d also like to think that it has more insight and intelligence than to frak with us in such a way.
If you do believe in this stuff, then I don’t mean to belittle your faith. Honestly, that’s not my intent here. You continue to believe in your cheese sandwich apparitions. I’ll continue to simply believe that there’s “something” bigger than us out there, and perhaps one day we’ll meet.
And to think that my initial concept with this post was to merely wish each and every one of you out there a Happy Easter. Heh…