Terrible Analogies

It finally came to pass.  The threat to lay off 10% of the workforce was hanging over our heads for weeks.  We knew it was coming, like an unwelcome house guest or an overdue tax bill, and it knotted us up inside.  Walking into work this morning I noticed a security guard standing sentry at the side door.  Another one was inside the data center.  Yet another was roaming the hallway.  This much security was far too suspicious.  It was obvious that something was about to go sideways requiring a show of force to dissuade any possible unrest from the natives.

Slinking into my cubicle and logging into the network a coworker popped his head over the beige fabric partition and said to me with a nervous warble in his voice, “Looks like today’s the day, huh?”  Damn, we were told the layoffs would begin at the end of the month.  280 people were about to lose their jobs.  No wonder there was so much security roaming about, keeping a watchful eye on the parking lot, the executive offices, and the server room.

Poor bastards.

Firing up Active Directory management tools I watched as employee after employee lost their access rights to the network, praying that my name wouldn’t be the next one to pop up with a red “x” next to it.  Two hours in and I watched as DBAs, Networking guys, VPs and managers had their rights stricken.  I listened as colleagues and coworkers tried to console the recently terminated.  I watched as people slowly boxed up their belongings, shook my hand, said their final good-byes and wished me luck.

At noon the VP of the data center pulled me aside and said to me in a whisper, “Don’t worry.  You’re job is safe.  People are still actively being let go, but I didn’t want you to worry about it.”  This was very cool of him to put my mind at ease.  I still wasn’t feeling good about the whole situation, but thankfully I was no longer collateral damage.

Ya know, the next time around I think I’ll avoid all the drama and be reincarnated as a house cat like mine.  All I’d have to do is spoon and sleep as my owner watched movies, fed me treats, and rubbed my belly.  I’ve had my fill of the rat race…

UPDATE: It’s the day after the big layoff and I’m hearing stories.  When I left work yesterday I saw a couple cops in the parking lot.  What I hear today is that there were several death threats made to some in upper management.  One person claimed that they were going to come back to work with a gun.  This morning employees were the target of a phishing attacking, and now someone has gained access to our environment and is repeatedly locking out Novell accounts either through manual means or via a poison pill.

…but on the positive side there’s free pizza for lunch!

My cat Nemesis in her nightly position hanging out with me on the couch