Terrible Analogies

“Forget about Buddha, Allah, Jesus and Jehovah
Hurry down Doomsday, the bugs are taking over”
               – Elvis Costello: Hurry Down Doomsday 

A woman in Florida claims to have discovered the name of God spelled out in her salami.  Now, I’m not a psychiatrist, so I can’t vouch for this woman’s state of mind, but a couple things about this story instantly jumped out at me.  

1) Taking a look at the pictures, It appears to me that these “letters” spell out the word “Goo”, which happens to be the name of an amazing album by Sonic Youth.  Perhaps this particular hunk of meat was a massive fan?

B) Let’s assume that the letters do indeed spell out “God”.  Exactly what god are they referring to?  The God of thunder, war, or perhaps rock ‘n’ roll?  I have a cousin who (as the story goes) once took some PCP and LSD, declared himself “God”, then ripped out one of his own fingernails with his teeth.  Could this be the god this salami was alluding to?

Now, I’ve written about this subject before, and it amazes me what some people are willing to believe.  I can’t accept that any god, regardless of design, would deem it fit to reveal himself via the compacted innards of a tube of salami, in the wool of sheep, or even in the logo of an ice cream company.  I would think that any god, no matter the point of origin, would have better things to do with his or her time.

I mean, where’s the miracle?  Where’s the blinding light and the sound of trumpets ushering in a glorious new dawn for mankind?  I want crashing lightning, awe-inspiring ethereal angelic choirs, and Hollywood special effects.  But instead of the supernatural, we’re meant to infer that the power of (whatever) god we’re accustomed to is limited to questionable miracles and cryptic signs in our bowl of Cheerios?