Seriously…
…What kind of toys are kids playing with nowadays?
In the span of a single afternoon I happened to stumble upon:
Disgusting Anatomy Heart: Have you ever found yourself standing in your darkened kitchen late at night, with the only light coming from the single dim frosted bulb inside your open refrigerator? There you are, slouching into the open box, your arm draped heavily over the door as you slowly scan its chilled contents. Unsure what you want to eat you’re suddenly overcome with an overwhelming, insatiable desire to hold a slick, pulsing, quivering human heart in your bare hands.
No? Strange…I can’t believe I’m the only one ever to have that feeling.
+1 for the bonus eyeball kit.
Gabby Girl: High creep factor with this toy. I’m not sure where the manufacturer was going with this doll, but the posable mouth, flickering tongue, beady, vacant eyes, and 80′s inspired clothes propels this toy into the high stratosphere of the uncomfortably abnormal.
Recently I’ve been having this reoccurring nightmare of waking up in a cold sweat and seeing that sometime, in the dead of night, this life-sized doll had silently pulled up a chair next to my bed and has been patiently sitting there, in the dark, inches from my face, watching me sleep. The only sound I hear is a sticky, rubbery *smack* *smack* as it gums it’s lips together, her dead eyes staring straight into my shivering, cowering soul.
This doll eerily resembles a cousin of mine who lives in San Francisco, but with fewer facial piercings, no chronic cough, and absence of strict vegan diet for “religious reasons”.
Gummy Tapeworm: Knowing that by eating this it’ll soon be working its way through my colon is enough to make me want to wash my hands after handling the package. I wonder, if I ever had an opportunity to eat a real honest-to-gosh tapeworm, would it taste like apple? Who knows what a tapeworm tastes like?
Okay…that’s enough disturbing thoughts for one night…
