Moonwalker: A Childhood Memory Ruined
I was playing Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker on my MAME arcade machine the other day, deftly fighting my way though wave after wave of knife-wielding rednecks, skulking mobsters and deadly robots, armed with nothing more than my crystal-encrusted glove, my chimp buddy Bubbles, and my electric personality, when something struck me as a bit…odd.
Attacking our fearless hero Michael is a surprisingly well prepared army of “roaring 20′s” style gangsters, cloaked hit men, gas-tossing chemists, as well as manned and unmanned robots. Amid this cast of characters there seemed to be a subset of baddies who appeared to not be wearing any pants. By all indications, they were coming at Michael “commando” style, fully cocked and ready to rock:
Okay, I can understand if this was a poor color choice for pants, yet I still question the developers for what I can only assume to be design input from MJ himself. I was going to let this slide until, later in the game, another strange thing began to attack our lone champion:
This mini-boss has eyes for our intrepid smooth criminal. His weapon of choice: A metallic battering ram that repeatedly thrusts in and out from the waist area. Long, hard, and green, this boss wants nothing more than to repeatedly violate Michael about the face with his protruding tool. If our slide glidin’ adventurer doesn’t beat this foe off quickly enough, miniature golden bosses are spawned, each with a similar rocket in its pocket aimed at Michael’s lower gyrating extremities.
If by "wondrous and magical adventure" you mean "tied up and held captive", then I'm sure you will Michael. I'm sure you will...
As a child I don’t recall Moonwalker being so graphically questionable, but as an adult playing this game, I wonder if “game designer” Michael Jackson was trying to tell us something about himself way back in 1990…
“If our slide glidin’ adventurer doesn’t beat this foe off quickly enough…”
That was a good one