Mall Of America
Today we traversed the wilds of Wisconsin, barreling through the invisible border into Minnesota at 85 per, eventually skidding to a stop in the parking lot of the jewel of the midwest…the Mall Of America.
Anxious to see what this side of the country considers their Disneyland, their Taj Majal, their very Mecca itself, we braced ourselves for close contact with NASCAR aficionados, recent Favre converts, and rugged ranch hand farmers. Oddly enough, contrary to our misguided preconceived big-city notions, we had a great time.
I’ve heard a lot about the Mall Of America, and wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to travel a scant five hours via car to take bask in its capitalistic glory.
Upon first entering this uniquely American mosque, we found ourselves swimming in a sea of rabid scrap bookers queued up by the hundreds, each hoping to secure a spot in a seminar being hosted by the Home Shopping Channel. While the women were standing in various lines waiting to take part in either scrap booking classes or partake in scrap booking business transactions, the husbands were busy doing this:
Poor guys. I sympathize. Soldier on, brothers…
But, after making our way past this madness, rounding a few corners, and valiantly avoiding the Orange Julius stand (mmmm….Orange Julius!), we were greeted with the main attraction of this particular mall (click to embiggen):
The central amusement park! Like a overactive child fresh off his meds and flying high on a can of Coke and two bowls of Lucky Charms, I broke free and headed straight for the ride that had the most screaming:
The Rock Bottom Plunge offers a 90º free-fall drop, speeding into a tight loop, over various twists and turns, and straight into my palpitating heart. This, the Avatar Airbender ride, and the Fairly Odd Coaster were the big “E” ticket rides, and the wait for each was mere minutes.
The Flying Dutchman, guarding his towering wall climbing attraction.
After taking in the rides, if you’re feeling the romantic urge to get married, there’s a chapel on the grounds that provides just such a service:
And so, with the power of 20/20 hindsight, if I had to give the Mall Of America a rating of 1-10, I’d have to give it a solid ‘B’. I feel sorry for the families who make this hive of activity their vacation destination. But for the curious and the bored, the Mall Of America offers enough distractions to fill an afternoon.
I’m sad to see it went Nickelodeon. When I was there it was Camp Snoopy (Did I just date myself?) I agree with the “B” rating. The nightclubs on the top level were the best part of my trip. Oh! And the roller coaster ride that is getting down from the top level of the park structure! Car chases in San Francisco got nothing on that fun.
You were about 40 minutes away from where I live. Mall of America is a scary place but really must be seen at least once in a lifetime. So sorry that was your only glimpse of MN. At least you are travelling during the best weather we ever get here. It’s been truly amazing. Just like CA. If only it would stay this way all winter.
Yeah, it’s as if Nickelodeon vomited all over, then ground the resulting sick pile into the deep shag of the carpet. The saving grace was that the employees were much more chipper than they are at Disneyland. And, as always, +1 for Spongebob
That is a good coverage into the infamous Mall Of America. Its too bad they do not have hobby shops selling Gundam model kits.
ok i understand the ride and other stuff but why is there a chapel at the mall? Does that mean you can “shop” for marriage? LOL
And i love Spongebob no matter how stupid the cartoon gets sometimes LOL