Terrible Analogies

Karin and I were happily enjoying Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade last night when it occurred to us how easily and without regret Indiana Jones seems to break the law.  I used to think that Indiana Jones was a nigh noble figure, a cause of light and all that is good, but after careful examination I now find him to be a highly compulsive, obsessive figure with self-absorbed tendencies and a lack of moral fiber.

Leaving the other two movies out of the equation (I don’t consider the fourth movie to be worthy of inclusion of accepted Indiana Jones canon), The Last Crusade clearly documents the many faults and atrocities of Dr. Jones.

Trespassing and Destruction of Private Property: Young Indy, on the run after having stolen a valuable artifact from an outlaw band of “archeologists”, takes refuge on a train in an attempt to outrun his pursuers, and in doing so destroys an obviously customized walkway meant for the care and feeding of a cadre of circus animals.

Animal Abuse: Young Indy, making good his escape from a pit of snakes, discovers one of the innocent creatures has secreted itself in his shirt.  Indy violently pulls this frightened and confused animal from the folds of his clothing, shakes it roughly in the air, then hurls it off the speeding train and on to the unforgiving hard ground below.

Petty Theft: Dr. Jones, having just met the beautiful Dr. Elsa Schneider, steals a flower from a poor street merchant (whose back is turned) with the intention of wooing said doctor with said flower.  It’s abundantly clear that Indiana Jones doesn’t care who he hurts, as long as he gets the object of his unquenchable, uncontrollable desires.  This is a sure sign of a man who has no moral compass.

Destruction of Public Property & Desecration of a Religious Site: In his single-minded pursuit of ancient treasures, Indiana Jones finds himself in the heart of a church-cum-library.  Following a “hunch” that something must be hidden underneath the centuries-old hand-chiseled granite stone floor, Dr. Jones proceeds to pummel the church floor with a misappropriated metal post…

…and succeeds is destroying the finely crafted stonework.  The resulting hole leads down into a crypt, where Dr. Jones proceeds to upturn corpse and casket in a frenzied search for anything of value.

Theft and Destruction of Private Property: On the run yet again (what a surprise!), Indiana Jones absconds with some poor soul’s watercraft.  Without any concern for the ramifications of this theft from a private owner, Indy and Elsa recklessly pilot this boat in open waters, endangering the public in general with their foolish antics until…

…eventually cornered, they turn on their pursuers, causing the destruction of their stolen speedboat.  Way to respect private property there, Indy.

Arson: Tied up by the Nazis, Indiana makes the suggestion that they should burn their way through their bindings, thus making a clean escape.  What he didn’t plan for was his lighter falling to the ground, igniting the ages-old castle and it’s innumerable priceless artifacts in an uncontrollable inferno, putting his life and the lives of the castle’s inhabitants in mortal danger.  I take it Indiana Jones never saw Backdraft.

In one single viewing, what was once an iconic, heroic figure of the big screen has quite surprisingly revealed himself to be nothing more than an obsessive compulsive criminal who doesn’t care who he hurts in his hunt for glory and treasure.

For one movie goer, this fall from grace has not gone unnoticed…

Along with my daily intake of protein drinks, creatine, and vitamins, I often have a few eggs at night prior to bed just to squeeze in a few more ounces of protein before hitting the gym the next day.  Last night I cracked into my second egg and found that it had two yolks:

I had never encountered this before, but apparently this isn’t an entirely unusual occurrence.  From a bit of research I’ve discovered that over 75 billion eggs are produced in the United States, and roughly 3-5% of those eggs are double-yolks.  Larger hens, or hens that are overfed at the beginning of their laying cycle, are more likely to produce them.  The record for the number of yolks in one egg is nine.  

Something to think about next time you sit down for breakfast…

Is it just me, or does the Red Baron icon bare more than a passing resemblance to Tom Selleck?

The similarity to so uncanny it borders on the eerie…

To get into the marketing game you have to be smart, hip, and able to see beyond the next fad.  It seems though that, at times, all of the good ideas have been taken, co-opted, and perverted until all hint of what made them special is lost.  But, after seeing this clip, I’m renewed with a sense of awe at how “attention getting” this particular advertising gimmick is:

I know that similar ideas have been shared in the past, but I’ve never seen it applied to such affect.  I can picture an intern, after having pulled the short straw, sitting alone in his cubicle with a tube of glue in one hand and a struggling fly in the other, wondering what poor choices in life had brought him to such lows…

This past weekend there was a Batman marathon running on television, where they showed, in their entirely, the original Batman movies (Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin).  The first two movies were as good as I remember them, which can directly be attributed to the fact that Tim Burton directed them.  But after watching Batman Forever and Batman & Robin, I’m reminded of just how bad a movie can be.

I find it odd that Joel Schumacher directed such classics as Flatliners and The Lost Boys (I must also admit to being a fan of his movie Phone Booth), then inexplicably stumbled into the bog of mediocrity with Batman Forever and Batman & Robin.  It’s as if each of these movies served as nothing more than two hour toy commercials.  If it weren’t for this movie marathon these two movies would have stayed embedded deeply within a dark forgotten recess in a long ignored corner of my mind.

I’m glad Christopher Nolan stepped up the plate and resurrected the franchise with style to spare.