The Many Crimes Of Indiana Jones
Karin and I were happily enjoying Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade last night when it occurred to us how easily and without regret Indiana Jones seems to break the law. I used to think that Indiana Jones was a nigh noble figure, a cause of light and all that is good, but after careful examination I now find him to be a highly compulsive, obsessive figure with self-absorbed tendencies and a lack of moral fiber.
Leaving the other two movies out of the equation (I don’t consider the fourth movie to be worthy of inclusion of accepted Indiana Jones canon), The Last Crusade clearly documents the many faults and atrocities of Dr. Jones.
Trespassing and Destruction of Private Property: Young Indy, on the run after having stolen a valuable artifact from an outlaw band of “archeologists”, takes refuge on a train in an attempt to outrun his pursuers, and in doing so destroys an obviously customized walkway meant for the care and feeding of a cadre of circus animals.
Animal Abuse: Young Indy, making good his escape from a pit of snakes, discovers one of the innocent creatures has secreted itself in his shirt. Indy violently pulls this frightened and confused animal from the folds of his clothing, shakes it roughly in the air, then hurls it off the speeding train and on to the unforgiving hard ground below.
Petty Theft: Dr. Jones, having just met the beautiful Dr. Elsa Schneider, steals a flower from a poor street merchant (whose back is turned) with the intention of wooing said doctor with said flower. It’s abundantly clear that Indiana Jones doesn’t care who he hurts, as long as he gets the object of his unquenchable, uncontrollable desires. This is a sure sign of a man who has no moral compass.
Destruction of Public Property & Desecration of a Religious Site: In his single-minded pursuit of ancient treasures, Indiana Jones finds himself in the heart of a church-cum-library. Following a “hunch” that something must be hidden underneath the centuries-old hand-chiseled granite stone floor, Dr. Jones proceeds to pummel the church floor with a misappropriated metal post…
…and succeeds is destroying the finely crafted stonework. The resulting hole leads down into a crypt, where Dr. Jones proceeds to upturn corpse and casket in a frenzied search for anything of value.
Theft and Destruction of Private Property: On the run yet again (what a surprise!), Indiana Jones absconds with some poor soul’s watercraft. Without any concern for the ramifications of this theft from a private owner, Indy and Elsa recklessly pilot this boat in open waters, endangering the public in general with their foolish antics until…
…eventually cornered, they turn on their pursuers, causing the destruction of their stolen speedboat. Way to respect private property there, Indy.
Arson: Tied up by the Nazis, Indiana makes the suggestion that they should burn their way through their bindings, thus making a clean escape. What he didn’t plan for was his lighter falling to the ground, igniting the ages-old castle and it’s innumerable priceless artifacts in an uncontrollable inferno, putting his life and the lives of the castle’s inhabitants in mortal danger. I take it Indiana Jones never saw Backdraft.
In one single viewing, what was once an iconic, heroic figure of the big screen has quite surprisingly revealed himself to be nothing more than an obsessive compulsive criminal who doesn’t care who he hurts in his hunt for glory and treasure.
For one movie goer, this fall from grace has not gone unnoticed…
You are always so good at picking out the things that few other do. Nice post and observation on Indie.
Thanks, Husar. I had my tongue firmly planted in my cheek on this post, but I still think the observations are valid.
I used to think that HermanTurnip was a nigh noble figure, a cause of light and all that is good, but after careful examination I now find him to be a highly compulsive, obsessive figure with self-absorbed tendencies and a lack of respect for intellectual property right laws.
All those screen captures used without permission! Oh, the shame of it all!
Think of them as “evidence”, my friend.