Terrible Analogies

With our baby due at the end of February, the wife and I have been busy getting things ready in preparation for the big day. We’ve been making up the baby’s room, putting together a solid clothing ensemble for the little guy, picking up the odd toy here and there, as well as perusing some prime reading material.

As luck would have it, Karin’s parents sent us a nice library of children’s books that were published in the 60′s. Flipping through this amazing stash from the past, more than a few of the illustrations stood out as being a bit…unusual:

And what was the secret ingredient that made the soup so tasty?  Children, apparently…

Not only was this enraged goose of gigantic proportions, it had the strength of ten monkeys and a hatred for mankind.  I wonder if he dangled the old man over the rail like Vanilla Ice in the hands of Suge Knight, feet in beak, before finally dropping him to a crushing end.

This is morbidly disturbing.  A baby tumbling from a tree, whose fall is going to be broken by a thin sheet of cotton held taught by two little girls?  Factoring in the weight of the baby and the basket, the inertia built up during free fall, and the tensile strength of the agreed upon arresting device, one question instantly pops into my mind….how the hell did that baby get up in the tree in the first place?

My God…look at the size of that spider! For the love that all is holy…run! What they heck were they feeding those things in Holland at the turn of the century?  Oh, I get it…babys!  The “Hush-a-bye, Baby” poem suddenly makes total sense to me now…

This is perhaps the most depressing poem I have ever read.  I sure hope she doesn’t break her legs upon impact.  Tuck and roll, Joan.  Tuck and roll…

My cat gives this clip two paws up:

I’ve often heard that most people who bought a home in a residential area that comes attached with a required Home Owners Association do not like their HOA.  When I’m asked how I feel about HOAs, I often reply that I see them as a necessary evil.  HOAs prevent Joe Dirtbag from leaving non-working cars in his driveway, they keep the noise level down to an acceptable level, and generally hire a landscaping service to keep the outside area clean and well tended.

And then there’s my HOA, which only seems to want to take my money and not provide the services they promise.  If you’ve read this blog long enough you’re familiar with my neighbor who’s the head of the HOA, but is the worst offender of the rules.

Prime example:  A shared fence has been broken for over a month.  This past weekend the hole in the fence mysteriously became a bit wider.  Apparently I’m the only one stuck up enough to want to see this corrected.  Call me vain for wanting to live in a clean neighborhood, but this is an ugly sight to anybody’s standards.

And so, it’s off to the main HOA office tomorrow with this photograph to ask why our Glorious Leader hasn’t brought this to anybody’s attention.  I hate to think that I’m being a prick or anything, but this is an eyesore that makes the neighborhood look like a dump.

I not overreacting, am I?  I mean, if your backyard fence had this gaping hole in it, you’d fix it…right?

Seeing this video immediately brought to mind this scene from Napoleon Dynamite:

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, nobody’s going to go out with *me*! 
Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet? 
Napoleon Dynamite: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills. 
Pedro: What do you mean? 
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

Add “tape measuring skills” to that list, boys…

After my near brush with death on the highway yesterday, I think I’m just going to lie back and take a moment to contemplate the meaning of it all.  Come on…let’s all get Zen together:

Happy Friday, everyone!