Terrible Analogies

I swung by Fry’s during lunch today to pick up Terminator: Salvation, and noticed that the ‘New Releases’ blu-ray section was missing.  Walking around for minute thinking that they might have moved it to another location, I quickly came to realize that I didn’t overlook it.  It was simply…gone.

An employee must have seen me wandering around doe-eyed and slack-jawed like an abandoned Alzheimer’s patient off his meds, and he cautiously snuck up on me from downwind, using the bright overhead halogen warehouse lights as cover.  Silently sidestepping into my field of vision, he opened his mouth, and this was our exact conversation:

Fry: “Can I help you find something?”
Me: “You used to have a section for ‘New Releases’…”
Fry (nodding his head): “Yep.”
Me: “Did you move it?”
Fry: “No.  We’re not allowed to have it anymore.”
Me (confused): “Why is that?”
Fry (shrugs his shoulders): “We just can’t.”

Strange.  Having a ‘New Releases’ section helps customers identify (surprise!) new movies that have come out.  Why would Fry’s not allow such an obvious helpful service to its customers?  What kind of mail order college graduate makes these stupid decisions?  Does the mob have a corner on the ‘New Releases’ market, and will break your kneecaps and make you “sleep with the fishes” if they discover that you’re telling customers what the new movies of the week are?  Is this some sort of new rule Corporate came up with, or is this practice much more widespread than that?

Working a bit of overtime a couple of weeks ago, I was trapped inside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon staring at a computer screen, working on my fluorescent tan in cubicle hell, asking myself who I could have possibly offended in a previous lifetime to have earned this dubious position in life. Finally, after many hours of carefully treading that fine line between numbing boredom and maniacal rage, I let out a muffled, desperate huff, threw my hands above my head, stood up and stomped my way out of the office to grab a breath of fresh air.

Spying an inviting bench on the far side of the lawn, I thought I’d sit for a spell and take in a few minutes of scenery that this carefully position piece of cement future must offer.  I mean, why else was it placed there if not to offer a key vantage point to a vast expanse that showcases the meshing of man and his environment?

Taking a seat, I let out a slight sigh of relief from the pressures of my daily duties.  Anxious to unwind I looked up, expecting to be awed and humbled by a scenic vista spreading out before me, but instead I was greeted with this sad sight:

Hmmm, not exactly what I was hoping for.  Standing up and moving three feet to my left revealed the panorama I had been expecting to see:

I swear, next weekend I’m bringing my own hedge trimmers…

I’ve come to the realization that adding in a little bit of Beaker will make anything infinitely cooler…