Throwback Mountain Dew
Wandering the aisles of our local union staffed grocery store this past weekend, we noticed that the Mountain Dew 12 pack boxes looked a little strange. Instead of the normal neon and muted green color scheme they were white with an odd strip of red on the edge. Peering down at these stacked boxes like someone studying a bit of road kill or examining a newly discovered chip in his windshield, I read the word “Throwback” in tiny letters stamped on the end of the containers.
Wow…instead of high fructose corn syrup, this limited batch of Mountain Dew was made with real sugar. Recalling how good the sugar-infused Coke tasted during our trip to Maui last year I quickly strong-manned several cases of our accidental discovery into our cart and made a dash for the checkout line.
Let me state again how amazingly good Coke tastes when infused with sugar. Upon first drink you’re wondering why it tastes so different. So staggeringly seductive. It’s only when you read the ingredients printed on the side of the can do you realize that what you thought to be some kind of ancient arcane chemical alchemy was simply…sugar.
If Coke tastes so wonderful when made with sugar, then it goes to reason that Mountain Dew must taste equally, if not more fantastic.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
What I thought was going to be a technicolor explosion of dreamlike sensations turned out to be more like a blind date with a homely girl suffering with an inflamed goiter.
Tasting quite bland, balancing upon the sharp wavering precipice of distasteful, this nearly insipid liquid leaned precariously on just this side of foul. I didn’t have to choke this liquid down my throat, but as I drank deeply of its blandness I couldn’t help but think of several other refreshing soft drinks that I could be ingesting in its stead.
This is the sort of drink Santa gives to bad boys and girls.
To put it bluntly, the Throwback Mountain Dew left me quite disappointed.
To save yourself from a bit of a letdown, if you’re ever given a choice between Throwback and regular Mountain Dew, chose the latter.