Yep. The ShamWow guy, Vince Shlomi. He hasn’t been seen on air since beating up a prostitute in 2009.
Imagine my surprise when I turned on the television last night and saw good ole’ Vince, minus his annoying faux hawk, pitching something called the Schticky.
But where has Vince been all these years?
If you recall, Vince paid prostitute Sasha Harris $1000 for “straight sex” in March of 2009. When they arrived at Vince’s hotel room, he tried to kiss Sasha who then (according to Vince) immediately bit into his tongue and would not let go. Vince then struck Sasha Harris several times until she let released his tongue, causing facial fractures and lacerations. No charges were filed in the case
The whole incident sounded strange to me. I find it difficult to believe that a prostitute, who had just been paid $1000, decided to attach herself to Vince’s tongue with her teeth and not let go for no reason. Call it a nagging doubt, but I think something rough must have happened between them to illicit that sort of response. The whole situation never sat right with me.
And now Vince is back, and he wants to convince me to part ways with my hard earned money.
Count me out, Vince. Sure, the whole prostitute thing was conveniently hushed up, but your alleged stalking, emotional abuse, and unwanted sexual advances towards your assistant in 2011 is now public record. I’m not saying you did any of these things, but until I know who I’m helping to employ with my cash I’ll stay clear of the Schticky and any other other product you pitch.
I’ve been absorbed in writing my great American novel and didn’t bother to look at the time. Before I knew it the day was done and I had no post for the blog.
But fear not, intrepid believer. It’s on the old stand-by: Pimp somebody else’s site!
And so, here are some fine examples of movie posters from an alternate universe, courtsey of Behance Network. Please check out the link for more examples!
I’m quite partial to The Hangover and Inception posters. I wonder if these will ever be offered for sale?
I spotted this advert while perusing my collection of old medium. What initially caught my eye was the request for hair samples that an “expert” would use to deduce what color your flowing locks are, as if you’re unable to figure that little tidbit out for yourself. Perhaps this was a ruse; an innocuous ad masquerading as a legitimate business proposal whose true intent was to supply the burgeoning hair fetish scene of the freewheeling 1970′s with freshly shorn shocks of hair.
Pulling a dictionary down from the shelf and brushing away a thick layer of dust from the cover of the oversized tome I cracked open its virgin spine but was unable to find a definition for the word “modocrylic“. It simply doesn’t exist. Making an educated guess here I’m sure they meant to say “modacrylic”, but given the amount of money spent on this advertisement you would think that they would have at least spellchecked their moment in the sun before subjecting themselves to the merciless mocking of the hipster mustachioed set.
Not having any facial hair myself (short of my typical three-day shadow), I was unsure what a “Van Dyke” was. Firing up Google I was greeted with the following repeated result…
…but this just raised more questions than answers. Confused, I decided to simply let this point go.
This ad goes on to claim that all transactions are “Sold on money back guarantee”. What exactly does this mean? Do they slide all purchases over a photostatic copy of a money back guarantee, and does this money back guarantee apply to their product or to something else entirely unrelated? This sounds eerily like those banners which read “going out for business”. Whatever.
So, if you’re ever feeling the need to sport a “modocrylic” Van Dyke, send a sample of your hair to the good perverts at Masculiner Co., and in 4 to never weeks you’ll have your very own color coordinated set of artificial facial accessories to suit your “mood time”.
While researching and downloading music last night I came across several sites that hosted advertisements offering impossible to resist home refinance offers. This one in particular caught my attention:
Who exactly are the target demographic for such an ad? Crazy ex-hippies, homeless house flippers, or fringe religious gurus in their declining years coming to grips with their own mortality?
Who needs a cute Gecko or a funny pitchman when you have a face like this?
