Terrible Analogies

In the many years that I’ve had this little blog, there have been quite a few questionable subjects that I began to write about, only to have second thoughts on them after writing a sentence or two.  But I guess that goes with the territory of maintaining a blog that features daily updates.

Here’s a small collection of blog entry subjects that have seen the ultimate power of my ‘delete’ key, thankfully sparing you, my dear reader, the full fury of their wrath:

- My top ten favorite idioms
- What I found in my pocket this morning
- Bologna: It’s not just for communion anymore
- Ingrown nose hair: Chances are, this is a fetish
- “Alcohol” is a four letter word
- Who would make the better father: Cobra Commando or Mel Gibson?
- Things not to do in an elevator
- In twenty years, I’ve never been asked to solve for ‘X’
- The best advice I ever received I got at the DMV
- “Did you drop this finger?” and other questions I thought I’d never ask
- Is there such a thing as a left-handed sock?
- Whatever happened to Jeff Goldblum?
- “Ambiguity” and other things I’m vague on
- Stranded in the middle ground
- If you think my mind is filthy, you should see my keyboard
- How to get in touch with your inner nemesis
- I’ve read better plots in a Denny’s menu
- How can I be out of work while Emilio Estevez still has a career?
- Don’t listen to the Muppet. It lies.
- I’m terrible with names. And numbers. And colors.

These, and other terrible ideas, were mercifully purged from the pages of this blog, thus saving your delicate rods and cones from certain destruction.  For every one of my posts that some would consider “informative”, I have ten of these bombs that never see the light of day.

All praise the ‘delete’ key…

There’s nothing quite like witnessing the slow death of a once great blog.  And the slow decay of a blog as it slides into disuse and obscurity is like watching the physical decline of a good friend.

As it often happens, you stumble across a blog by happenstance, or are referred to it from a link on an existing blog.  An interesting article is posted, and you make the extra effort to post a comment.  Said blogger then does you a solid by posting a comment on your blog.  And as the weeks and months roll on this action is repeated, a certain sort of familiarity and raport is formed, and a vague, distant friendship is born.  E-mails might even be exchanged as ideas are banded back and forth regarding a wide range of esoteric topics that are the bread and butter for bloggers.

This, my friends, is the very essence of blogging. And much like driving a car, blogging is not a spectator sport.  There’s a certain amount of personal investment that goes into the creation and maintenance of a blog that posts updates on a reliable schedule.  Consistent readers who regularly comment become noticed.  You then begin to follow other blogs.   You link to them, and they recriprocate.

Then, one day, you notice that they haven’t posted an update to their blog in days.  Days turn to weeks.  Sometimes a half-hearted posting is published, followed perhaps by another in a week’s time.  Then, ultimately…nothing.

You might send an e-mail asking if they’re alright.  Perhaps they’re focusing their energies on another blog?  Sometimes you receive a reply back, but sometimes you don’t.

And that’s it; the death of a blog.

You saw the warning signs.  You silently hoped that that person was simply too busy with work or family to post, or if you’re lucky then they’re just extremely sick and on death’s door but will eventually get back to their blog just as soon as the doctors cure whatever near-fatal disease has them twitching in their death throes.  But more often than not, they simply drop off the face of the Earth, never to return.

You’re reminded of how great their blog once was every time you glance at the link you placed on your blogroll.  Sure, they haven’t updated their blog in months, but you have yet to delete the link, perhaps hoping for a renewal.  A rise from the ashes.  A glorious return to their posting heyday when ideas flowed and comment count numbers were high.

But, deep in your heart, you know that’s most likely not going to happen.

Losing a blog is like losing a friend.

It’s a shame, but it’s the cycle of blogging life.  You’ll get over it.  Eventually.

And so, to all those blogs that have gone before me, here’s tip of the glass and a hope that you’ll start another blog in the near future.

Who knows…perhaps all they needed was a new template to get them back into the swing of things?

Dan Frommer over at SplatF has just published a post entitled “10 Steps To Better Blogging”.  In an effort to better understand not only myself but also the reasons why I blog, I thought I’d take a moment to tackle his list one point at a time:

1. Above all else, factual accuracy and attention to detail.

- If I’m writing a bleeding-edge article detailing the intracies of complex molecular structure, then yes, I agree with Dan.  Where details are key, writing in-depth blog entries that can better human kind should be truthful and factual.  But I’m writing about cats, bizarre ancetdotes, and the occasional cult movie.  For this, facts have a nasty tendency of just getting in the way.

2. Write the site that you want to read.

- It’s a good thing that I don’t even bother to proofread my posts (at least on some days it seems that way…see step 7).

3. Be more skeptical.

- I’m as skeptical as the next skeptical skeptic, but when a skeptic asks me to be more skeptical, my head just wants to asplode.  (Fact: The more you type the word “skeptical”, the sillier it looks)

4. Attribute well — the way you’d want to be attributed.

- “Giving credit where credit is due is only fair, but to take credit is even better.”  -Ghandi

(he did say this, right?)

5. Add context.

- Hey, I get roughly 200 views a day.  I’m a small fish in the gurgling belly of a bigger fish in a forgotten pond well off the beaten path.  I’m here to supply a quick jolt of whatever’s on my mind after work.  Rare are the occaions when I write about a topic so esoteric that a background in mathematical induction or physiological disorders is a required prerequisite before you can even begin to comprehend my many fringe hypotheses.  Again, cats.

6. Be critical, but don’t be unfair.

- Now you’re just getting personal, aren’t you?

7. Care about your writing.

- Oh, I do.  But there are nights when I’ve had a few beers and somehow manage to write and publish a post at 2am, and am horrified at what I see online the next day.  But then again, I’m sure we’ve all had weeks like this.

8. Care about your design.

- Two words for you:  WordPress.  Templates.  With these, there really is no need to worry about site design.  Which reminds me, my site really is overdue for a design overhaul…

9. Don’t be the 10th person to write about the same thing.

- So, no more postings such as “Flowbees: Not Just For Cutting Hair Anymore”, “Is This A Rash Or A Skin Disease?”, or “10 Steps To Better Blogging”?

10. Try new things, all the time.

- By saying this you do understand that you’ve just given me a license to kill, don’t you?  I’ll be sure to use this as ‘exhibit A’ at my upcoming trial.

But in all seriousness, Dan does make some excellent points that, if I were serious enough about blogging to want to make money off of it, or vain enough to expect thousands of unique daily hits, then I’d be the first to adopt his suggestions.  But, I do this for fun.  I blog just to keep the brain engaged and to touch base with both IRL and online friends.  I blog just for the sheer fun of it.  I do try to keep it interesting, but it’s far from a money-making enterprise.

I do this because some people are crazy enough to want to occasionally swing by from time to time.  

Long live the blog!