Terrible Analogies

Here’s a copy of a comic strip my subversive parents managed to sneak into my hands last night:

Sure, Karin and I joke about that special day when Tyler asks to borrow the car.  Tyler is only two at the moment, but I feel that fateful day fast approaching!

I think we’ll follow the route my parents took when I got my first car; we’ll scour the paper for a used car that has low mileage, and was only driven by old people to and from church on Sundays.

What I eventually ended up with was a brown/tan 1985 Nissan Sentra.  Sure, it was ugly, but it was my ugly.  I really didn’t mind, and it was a steal for $3000.  Fast forward 12 months you’d be witness to it buried under a garbage truck whose driver thought it would be a good idea to make an illegal left hand turn on a busy six-lane road in the middle of a rain storm.

Luckily I wasn’t hurt, but my poor Nissan was dead, through no fault of my own (thanks to the police report, eyewitnesses, and much finger pointing).

So, no Mustang for Tyler when he gets his license.  Heck, he’ll be lucky if he gets a swanky 1985 Nissan Sentra with cracked pleather interior and am/fm cassette player  ;-)

…between a BMW owner and a porcupine?

On a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

I hope they catch this jerk…

Ahhh, a nice relaxing car ride on a sunny afternoon.  No worries.  No cares.  Nothing but me and the open road and…WHAT THE HECK?!

This video reminds me of my own close encounter with a wood product whilst traveling at 75mph+ on the freeway one fine afternoon. There was a sheet of plywood in my lane, and the car in front of me ran over it which lifted the edge closest to me up about three feet.

My life flashed before my eyes. The world around me went syrupy and sluggish. I envisioned the edge of the plywood as it skidded over the hood of my car, slicing neatly through my windshield and my face as it proceeded on a quick trajectory through the rear window of my Honda S2000. There was nothing I could do. I was driving too fast and following too closely to the car in front of me for me to do anything about it. In that instant I had resigned myself to my fate.

Luckily the sheet of plywood lowered just enough by the time I hit it for it to pass safely under my car with a dull *thump* *thump*. But in those fleeting moments I was sure that I was a goner.

*shudder*

Has anyone else had a close encounter with an unusually dangerous situation while driving?

City workers manage to wreck a parked vehicle with their gross incompetence:

Man, I love watching professionals at work…

It’s nice to see people doing the right thing by pointing out the absurdity of the actions of these two geniuses and openly standing up for what’s right.  Here’s hoping that this video finds its way into the ruthless hands of lawyers and grim-faced insurance companies just itching for a fight.

So there I was, minding my own business, relaxing on a bench yesterday with my sack lunch (hey, I’m trying to save money), enjoying the amazing weather we’re having over here in San Diego when a tow truck and a police car pull up next to a Honda Prius parked on the street roughly 100 feet away.

The police officer exits his vehicle and slowly ambles his way up to the Honda, both hands on his hips, paying particular attention to the front license plate.  The tow truck guy, baseball cap on backwards and dickies unbuttoned to his crotch approaches the cop and they have a quick discussion filled with sweeping hand gestures and copious note-taking.  Apparently having come to a decision on the next course of action, the tow trucker driver walks over to his truck and quickly reappears with a slim jim to break into the Prius.

“Oh, joy,” I think to myself, settling down to watch the afternoon’s entertainment.

After ten minutes of fiddling with the lock on the passenger side the tow truck guy gives up and goes back to his truck and backs it up to the Prius with the intent of somehow sliding the vehicle out from between the two cars that it was tightly parked between.

That’s when some joker wearing an obnoxious yellow tie lurches from the company parking lot in an ungainly stride, arms flailing in the air like a repentant Sunday church worshiper in the clutches of the Holy Spirit, yelling “That’s my car!  That’s my car!”  The officer quickly moves to intercept this guy, stops him several paces away from the Honda, and they have quick conversation.  Twenty seconds later the cop has Mr. White Collar face down on the hood of the Prius, hands behind his back, with cuffs quickly descending down on the guy’s wrists.

The officer soon had dejected looking Obnoxious Tie Guy in the back of his cruiser.  The tow truck driver deftly slid the Prius out and hooked it up to his truck.  Minutes later the scene was clear, as if nothing had ever happened.

And that was the best time I ever had eating a homemade tuna sandwich.