Terrible Analogies

Imagine my shock and horror when, late one night, I happened upon an infomercial that featured one of the most unlikely of pitchmen.  But there we was, big as day and in full regalia, mohawk primped and perfect, gold chains around his neck, and sporting a “fresh out of the package” polo shirt.  Aghast, I sat with wide, unbelieving eyes at my television, unable to comprehend the full meaning of it all.  Mr. T, that beloved, illiterate icon of the 70’s and 80’s, had sold his soul to the infomercial gods, and was now hawking the latest in a long line of “as seen on TV” products that, according to the late Billy Mays, “no house and home can live without”.  

I don’t know what upset me more; the fact that Mr. T was wearing an uncharacteristic button-down Polo shirt, or that he’s apparently half Klingon.  

Mr. T, bought and paid for.  This is something that goes against the very nature that is B.A. Baracus.  Why, Mr. T…why?

Pitching the FlavorWave, which apparently can cook an entire turkey in 5 minutes, teach manners to your unruly children, and balance the national debt with the simple push of a button.

This miraculous product is brought to you by the good folks from the Cooking Club Of America, which is a scam of the highest order.  From what I’ve read, these grifters charge members outrageous fees for “life-time memberships”, taking hundreds of dollars from you without your consent.  Their aggressive, predatory practices are well recorded.  If I were you, I’d stay as far away from anything having to do with the Cooking Club Of America.  Unless, of course, you enjoy getting ripped off.

The traditional gold chains have been replaced with corporate marketing. Oh, Mr. T…look how far you’ve fallen.

And so, an icon falls.  Next time, I’d do a bit of research just to see who you’re getting into bed with.  Those shylocks from the Cooking Club Of America are nobody to mess with.  Mr. T., IANAL, but I highly suggest that you review your contact with these people to ensure that they’re not going to burn you in some way or fashion.  And get some better handlers…you know, somebody who has an ounce of sense and will steer you away from frauds like these.

Celebrities, Commercial Product, food Celebrities, Commercial Product, food

Born in Kiev in 1902, immigrated to the United States in the 30’s, Nudie Cohn was intent on becoming a boxer, but through fate and circumstance he instead fell into tailoring.  In the 40’s, Nudie and his wife Bobbie began making clothes out of their garage.  So popular were their designs that soon movie stars and rock gods began to clamor for Nudie’s services.  

Credited with being the first man to sew rhinestones on to clothes, his relentless self-promoting brought him to the attention of such acts as Elvis Presley, Hank Williams, Gram Parsons, ZZ Top, Wilco, and Roy Rogers.  Ever the eccentric, Nudie would places stickers of his face on to dollar bills and give them away to those in need, stating, “when you get sick of looking at me, just rip it off and spend it!”

Nudie was also into cars, and with the help of GM he began to customize them in western motifs.  Karin and I were fortunate enough to see a “Nudie Mobile” recently, and let me tell ya, this thing was intense; covered in silver dollars, decked out with rifles, handguns, and shotguns, and sporting a set of horns that would make any self-respecting steer blush, this is one car that’s impossible to ignore.

Celebrities, Unusual Sightings, cars cars, Celebrities, Unusual Sightings

Karin and I were watching the excellent popcorn flick Independence Day, arguing the pros and cons of basing the defensive systems of a UFO mothership around a UNIX core, when this flashed on the screen:

If Woody Harrelson and Ted Danson ever got busy and made a love child together, I have every confidence that this would be the disastrous result.

Celebrities, Movies Celebrities, Movies

File this under “news to me”, but while running around this past weekend I slammed smack dab into a vending machine that catered to the “desperate parents” set:

Now, I know that Japan has been kicking our collective asses when it comes to funky vending machines, but I’m glad to see that America is finally stepping up and providing such critical services so far away from any tourist locales and airport lounges.  Of course I won’t be happy until I can simply press a button to purchase a live Maine lobster named “Zoe”, a 1750ml bottle of Jack Daniels, and a three-pack of previously worn tighty whities.  I have very…errr, specific tastes…

Oh, and in case you hadn’t heard, Patrick Swayze has died.  Goodnight, toughman.  The roadhouse won’t be the same without ya, my friend…

Celebrities, Random Celebrities, Random

With all the hoopla and hullabaloo over the passing of Michael Jackson, this statue housed in the Field Museum in Chicago has been getting a lot of attention lately:

Could Michael Jackson have possessed ancient mystic, arcane knowledge which granted him power over space and time?  I contend that the undeniable, unshakable proof has been staring us in the face all this time…

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  See you Monday!

Celebrities, Music, Unusual Sightings Celebrities, Music, Unusual Sightings