Mail Order Monkey
I miss the days where one could order pet hamsters, seahorses, and monkeys via the mail. In the 60′s all you apparently had to do was send your hard-earned cash to an anonymous post office box, and luck willing your pet monkey / seahorse / hamster would arrive alive, albeit possibly slightly confused and dehydrated, at your front door.
Plus you could raise it on a diet of lollipops!
I can imagine a kid innocently ordering one of these mail order monkeys. It silently arrives in the dead of night without his parents knowledge in a worn and dented a shoebox labeled “Fragile! Live freight!”. Secreting this half-dead simian into his bedroom he revives it with a steady diet of soda and lollipops. Awakened in the middle of the night by a half-crazed, disoriented, hyperactive spider monkey gnawing and clawing at his exposed face this panicking kid, blinded by blood pouring into his now lidless his eyes, tears through the house screaming in agony, followed closely by a sugar-enraged monkey hellbent on getting his primate ass back to the rain forest and the familiarity of trees and open sky.
It’s a shame we can’t order monkeys by mail anymore…
