Terrible Analogies

Whelp, it’s Friday, and I’m all tapped out.  I got nuthin’ for ya.  I’m a shell of my normal self.  Bereft of thought, mentally void, and awash in a warm calming sea of indifference.  All I can think of as I stare slack-jawed and motionless in the center of a dark room staring into the soft glow of my laptop is that it’s finally Friday, and for me that means there’s just one more work day before I can enjoy my one day off this week.  Needy computers…

I’m just glad I don’t have this announcer’s job.  I don’t think I could be witty enough to come up with enough pop culture references to fill an entire season of hockey:

But if I ever did find myself either burnt out from my job, or just simply unemployed, I guess I could channel all of my energy into finally finishing my book, studying for a doctorate, or molding myself into a Tetris god (see how wicked-fast…and invisible…it gets at the end):

Of course, if the unthinkable does happen and I become a drain on society, unable to hold down meaningful employment between hits of Mountain Dew and Twinkies, I could always download a torrent of Final Cut Studio, drop a delicate balance of uppers and downers, and create something as wonderfully twisted as this:

Or I could just take a cue from my cat and chill under the covers all day, which seems more and more like the proper path to take:

Heh…I think she has the right idea…

Computer, Funny, Personal, Random, Rant Funny, Random, Rant

If you didn’t already know, I’m currently in the market for a new car.  The wife and I are thinking about having kids and I need to find something bigger than my Honda S2000 two-seater.

As luck would have it, while walking through the parking lot on my way to get a haircut today, I think I located the perfect vehicle.  The long search is over!  

What I stumbled across was a vehicle that holds more than four, has ample room for lugging items, would be perfect for a family getaway, and has a custom paint job.  

This vehicle was, to put it mildly, a work of art.  It’s a shame I was unable to track down the owner to offer cash-in-hand for this custom ride…

It was obvious that the owner poured his heart and soul into this creation

I'm assuming that the owner of this van is of Spanish descent, loves rock-n-roll, and has a penchant for gnawing on license plates. Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this van belongs to my old high school prom date...

Funny, Random, Unusual Sightings parking, Random

Have you seen this suspect?  If so, contact the authorities immediately!  Rodney Stanger is to be considered armed and…dangerous?

…and before I forget, congrats go out to the Steelers on winning Super Bowl 43.  It’s lucky that the final sack of Warner wasn’t reviewed.  To me it looked like his arm was going forward.  Why this play didn’t warrant a second look from the officials I couldn’t say.  Seemed a bit odd, that’s all.  But when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro, eh?

Funny, Random, Television Funny, Random, Television

At the top of his game, Steve Martin was an absolute madman.  This poet philosopher gave it all spilling blood on stage entertaining the masses and managing a strange kind of weirdness on the printed page.  In his book Cruel Shoes Steve Martin lamented on the wanton destruction of priceless architecture, questioned the assumed ignorance of canines, and mocked the malaise of simpleminded friends.  Equal parts poet and renegade, his minimized style of storytelling made for a quick read, but had wit enough to demand multiple readings.

Before he sunk so low as to make a “Pink Panther 2” sequel, Steve Martin was on the cutting edge of comedy.  Though I’m not quite old enough to have had the opportunity to witness firsthand his psychotic demented genius on stage, I was still lucky enough as a kid to stumble across a first edition of Cruel Shoes in the 80′s and instantly fell in love with his unbalanced, intelligent stream-of-consciousness style of writing.

If anybody doubts how cool Steve Martin was, check out his business card.

Cruel Shoes is a handsome novel to have in any collection.  It’s one that is guaranteed to be targeted by anyone casually perusing your book collection.  It’s easy to find online (although getting up there in price) and is well worth purchasing if only for that gratifying ”wtf” factor it elicits from friends.

My personal favorite entry from Cruel Shoes is “Serious Dogs”.  Enjoy!

Books, Funny Books, Cruel Shoes, Steve Martin

Here’s to starting things anew.  Hope everyone has a great New Year’s eve and manages to stay warm while out celebrating tonight.  

Special thanks to everyone for taking the time to visit this humble blog.  Looking forward to sharing stories and reciprocal links with you in 2009.  In the meantime, I tip my glass to you.  Happy New Year!

ProTip: If it gets too cold, wrap your head in bacon to stay warm.

Funny, Random Funny