I miss the days where one could order pet hamsters, seahorses, and monkeys via the mail. In the 60′s all you apparently had to do was send your hard-earned cash to an anonymous post office box, and luck willing your pet monkey / seahorse / hamster would arrive alive, albeit possibly slightly confused and dehydrated, at your front door.
Plus you could raise it on a diet of lollipops!
I can imagine a kid innocently ordering one of these mail order monkeys. It silently arrives in the dead of night without his parents knowledge in a worn and dented a shoebox labeled “Fragile! Live freight!”. Secreting this half-dead simian into his bedroom he revives it with a steady diet of soda and lollipops. Awakened in the middle of the night by a half-crazed, disoriented, hyperactive spider monkey gnawing and clawing at his exposed face this panicking kid, blinded by blood pouring into his now lidless his eyes, tears through the house screaming in agony, followed closely by a sugar-enraged monkey hellbent on getting his primate ass back to the rain forest and the familiarity of trees and open sky.
It’s a shame we can’t order monkeys by mail anymore…
Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine and the generosity of big business, I got a free influenza vaccine shot today.
I hadn’t received a vaccine shot in nearly seven years. Ya see, the last time I received one I got sick. We’re talking full blow life-is-hell flu sick. Because of this I’ve been hesitant to repeat that experience. Prior to today I swore I’d never get a flu shot again, but this morning a stout, stern woman decked out in blue scrubs and a comfy looking white sweater handed me a flier which proudly stated that the vaccine given today is of the “inactivated (killed)” variety. This particular vaccine shot consists of a “dead” virus, but through what I can only assume is a combination of black magic and unicorn dreams the patient still becomes vaccinated from this year’s predicted virus outbreak.
The shot itself was painless but within an hour my arm became a bit sore, which I was told was normal. When it was all over I got a nifty smiley face sticker exclaiming in bold-type minimalistic sentence structure that “I got it! Did you?”
Karin and I took a quick trip up to Disneyland yesterday to check out the holiday decorations on main street and to see what they did with the Haunted Mansion for this Christmas season.
As expected the entire Haunted Mansion ride was made up for the holidays. From the stretch paintings in the elevator to the replacement of the mini-bride on the wall at the end of the ride Christmas ruled the happy hauntings of this favorite ride. This was by far the highlight of our day, and was well worth the entrance price to Disneyland.
Here’s a cover scan of the updated map handed out at the entrance of the park. Click on it to embiggen…
On a side note, as we walked around the park we noticed a man holding a blue Matchbox car, cradling his open palmed hand with his free hand. Occasionally he would bring the car up to his face and whisper something to the car, then hold it out to whatever he thought was interesting so the car could get a better look.
I asked Karin what she thought this man’s day typically consisted of, and she replied that we should be more concerend with what he was carrying around in his backpack. “With those sort of people, you never know what they’re packing,” she said to me. True…
12am and I’m slipping into unconsciousness in my nice warm bed when my Black Berry suddenly begins to vibrate wildly, jostling me back into cruel, vivid reality. I reach over and press the glowing pearl to silence the obnoxious clatter, certain that a “code red” emergency must have occurred at work, but upon inspection am greeted by the following e-mail from a co-worker:
Gentlemen ! Thanks all. We as a team(All) did what we always do ? Kick A– ! Remember ! NT Admin’s, not
team 1/2.. Game Ball goes to Bryan M. Awsome Man!!!
Also our Recon Marine(special forces) in CLT! Damm the reason fo dis email is this !!!
BRETT FAVRE IS THE GREATEST QB EVER!!!!! And if your are under 30(with a few exception) YOUR COMMENT IS NOT RECOGNIZE OR RELEVANT.
a humble rada. fo fo y’all doin’ up way up in here?!?! hizzahhhhhFavREEE
Okay, this message gets bonus points for being the most entertaining e-mail I’ve received all year, but it also serves as a prime example why one does not mix alcohol and text messaging. It’s well known that Clark (his name has been changed to protect th^H^H^H ah…what the hell. His real name is Clive) loves his tequila. He also loves him some football. When you mix the two together then throw in modern technology you’re bound to receive some glorious e-mails, especially when his team wins a Thursday night game in overtime.
…and I’m still wondering why I didn’t get the “game ball” for the work I did during last night’s release.
The Winning word in Scrabble Express was “detox”…
