Terrible Analogies

Lost season four shipped this week.  Unfortunately because of the writers strike this shortened season contains only 13 episodes instead of the typical 23.  Lost is one of the finest network television shows ever created, and the best (only?) way to watch and truly enjoy it is on DVD.  Free from commercials it’s an engrossing journey that’s nearly impossible to turn away from.

Included in the box set of season 4 is a faux Oceanic Airlines emergency evacuation safety card.  As always, click on the images to enlarge.

For what it’s worth, Locke is my hero

I haven’t seen season 4 before.  In fact, I go out of my way to avoid any contact with Lost until the DVDs are released.  Karin and I were enjoying episodes 1 and 2 last night when Karin noticed the following on the DVD covers:

With the plastic slip sleeve on you can see the entire cast...

With the slip sleeve off you can see everyone in shadow except Kate (who's holding Claire's baby), Sayid, Hurley, Jack, and Sun. Is this the Oceanic Six? No spoilers please, I haven't seen this season yet...

There’s a group of companies currently airing commercials on television promising cash for gold.  Guaranteeing nothing, they promise that they’ll pay money for your “unwanted gold, silver or platinum”.  All you have to do is ship your extra gold in their insured envelopes and within 24 hours of its delivery they’ll send you a check.

What they don’t tell you is how much they’ll pay you for your gold.  I’ve been searching online for some sort of scale they use, but so far I’ve come up with nothing.  The commercials make it seem as if by sending in your gold you’ll make a tidy bundle.  According to various reviewers (and ex-employees) that’s simply not the case.  The more I read about them the more shocked I become.  To say that their business practices are suspect is an understatement.

They’re also not required to verify that the items sent to them actually belong to the sender.  This service they provide screams “fence” to me.  It’s a perfect source of revenue for thieves and grifters wanting to unload stolen merchandise.

These scam artists are scum.  In times of high unemployment these companies are preying on the old, the uninformed, and the desperate.  They offer low-ball payouts for those who most need the money, and don’t care if the items they receive are stolen or not.  I’m sick of these businesses who prey on the weak.  My only respite is my belief that there’s a special circle in hell reserved for “people” like them.  It’s a rare sort of entity that gets me worked up enough to wish karma-tic harm upon them.

UPDATE (2.1.09):  Here are 10 Confessions of a Cash4Gold employee, guaranteed to make you think twice about using this “service”.

I can't believe you people are falling for this crap!

Insured for $100, or how much we think your gold might have been worth, whichever is less...

I hocked my grandmother's gold, and in two short weeks I received a check for $22.76!

Turn your neighbor's bling into cash to support your meth habit!

Deep in an undisclosed safehouse a nearsighted tattooed mafioso parolee transforms precious family heirlooms into unrecognizable ingots

When I was a kid I was addicted to Sesame Street.  Back in the 70′s and 80′s this show was something special.  My parents tell me that when I was little they had a “portable” television set that ran on batteries.  On long trips they would bring it along so I could space out to Sesame Street.  Man…those were the days.  I still remember the episode where Mr. Hooper died, and death had to be explained to Big Bird.  

Oh, and Elmo has nothing on Roosevelt Franklin.  IMHO, Roosevelt was the man.

Unable to sleep last night I rolled out of bed, stumbled down the stairs, turned on the television and began to mindlessly channel surf.  The static drone of sub-par late night t.v. programming slowly began to lull me into a light sleep when suddenly a loud commercial of questionable production value jostled me back into lucid, vicious reality.

On the television appeared a man in his late forties / early fifties wearing a freshly pressed blue button-down business shirt.  He was one of those people who talk with their hands to help convey a sense of urgency and evoke emotion.  In the background were people in simple clothes, wearing straw hats and sporting thick chin curtain beards, who were hard at work assembling wooden structures of some type.

In short, these people were Amish.

The product this blue-shirted hand talker was anxiously pitching? Electric fireplaces.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the main tenants of the Amish to reject technology in favor of a simpler life?

If so, why are they helping to produce electric fireplaces?

It seemed unusual…no, it seemed wrong to see hard working Amish craftsmen being pimped to help sell a modern convenience for modern life.  And to market these fireplaces as “Amish crafted” is deceiving at best.

Doing a quick search for Heat Surge I found complaint after complaint after complaint after complaint after complaint after…well, you get the idea.

Forgive me if I’m sounding a bit blunt, but these underhanded marketing gimmicks rub me wrong.  It’s obvious what Heat Surge, LLC is doing with these sleight-of-hand tactics; trying to portray themselves as some sort of small-town, salt of the earth company just trying to turn a small profit for the Amish community.  Instead, think of them as a sneaky fly-by-night carpetbagging snake oil salesman trying to up sell his tonic water as a cure-all for whatever ails ya.

UPDATE: Chris Pugh (or someone impersonating Chris Pugh) from Heat Surge posted a comment with a link to “address any questions or concerns you may have”.  In the spirit of fair play I’ve approved this comment, but it seems to be a canned response to all negative reviews of Heat Surge.  Feel free to do with it what you will…

Electric Fireplace: Kitch Chique Krap

100% Amish craftsmanship 50% of the time

"We spend most of our lives living in an Amish paradise..."

So...the scam is the Amish assemble pre-cut wood in an Ikea-like assembly line?

Once assembled all Heat Surge fireplaces are shipped via the Amish version of FedEx, as recorded here. Expect delivery is a speedy 1-2 months, just in time for Summer...