Power Tools Can Solve Any Problem

October 25th, 2011 7 comments

You get to the job site and it’s raining.  The foreman tells you that yesterday’s work needs to be ripped out because the architect discovered a design flaw.  The contracting company doesn’t have the paycheck that they owe you from last week.  And when you get back to your truck you discover that you’re about to written up for a parking infraction.

You ever have one of those days?

I don’t care if this guy is in the right or in the wrong. I’m here to applaud him for doing something most of us only dream of… 8O

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Five Minute Fiction 14

October 24th, 2011 10 comments

Five Minute Fiction is an ongoing experiment. The goal: To write as much as I can in five minutes.  Don’t think.  Let the fingers do the work.  Once done walk away then come back later to clean it up.

This story is a continuation from last week.

Enjoy?

The Dead Beat: Part II

Sam’s neck was huge.  That’s the first thing I thought when they led him into the chamber.  Glassed off in their own small world, Sam snarled something to the obvious juicer who was gripping his bicep at a painful pressure point, urging him along.  Sam wore a crisp pair of black slacks and a neatly pressed blue shirt buttoned up to the top two buttons where the collar abruptly wrapped itself tightly around taut muscles of his veiny throat.

In the age of civility even monsters have to look presentable.

The chair I was sitting in was padded with fake brown leather that made an uncomfortable fart sound whenever you shifted your weight.  To my right sat the perfectly coifed hair of Doug McCuin from Channel Five, and to my left was some nobody blogger who happened to pull the lucky lottery number to the viewing.  And in front of us, strapped to a white cloth gurney, was what will soon be the ex-Mr. Samuel J. Carrero.  Once nicknamed the “Tooth Fairy”, he terrorized the greater Spencer area eighteen years ago with a string of vicious murders that the police described as, “Brutal, bloody, and savage.”  His calling card was to leave a bite mark on the cheek of his victims, but only after he sawed off their heads.

And staring straight at us with a leering smile that revealed his sharpened teeth, strapped to the six-point suppression gurney, was the man of the hour dressed in the clothes he was going to be buried in, and enjoying every waning second of his nefarious celebrity.

It was my job to be there.  To write about every injection.  Every last breath.  Every final moment of the condemned.   To record, to the best of my ability, the glint of the needles as they slipped into veins, the last words of the condemned as they strained against the cinched restraints, the slacking of the clenched fists as consciousness eventually faded, the coordinated final injections, and the slow decay of the rise and fall of the chest.

The doctors pronounced death.  The victim’s families expressed feelings of closure.  The news ran a three-minute segment at the top of the hour.  The death certificates were notarized.  And an awaiting gravesite was filled.

I did this job for ten years, and in that time the process had become procedural.  Commonplace.  Franchised.  And as the years relented the less people seemed to care, and the more sickened I became at our system of justice.  I wanted out.

I quit.

I interviewed with the Brief, the Courier, and even the Daily Star.  When those panned out I tried getting work with the Redtown Press, the City Beat, and even attempted to get my foot into the Beaumont Free Press, but nobody was interested in hiring an aging writer whose claim to fame was the “Ghoul News Guy”.

My savings quickly disappeared, and I had begun to cash out my 401k early, watching that vanish at an even faster rate.  I was looking everywhere I could for a job, but in these times not even the damned Chinese fortune cookie companies were hiring.

Near broke and unable to pay my bills I was forced to sell my home at a loss and move into a rented trailer in a forgotten, grimy corner of the city where every door had three locks and the cops took their time to respond to 911 calls.

One bleak, overcast day I heard a knock at my door.  ”Who is it?” I yelled from my recliner as I laid a folded newspaper on my lap.  Red ink furiously circled open employment positions for companies both well known and unheard of.

“Mr. Bryson?” the gravely voice mutedly said, “I represent the McMillon Publishing Company.  We’d like to speak to you about a possible job opportunity.”

“What was that?” I asked, stunned, as I unlocked and the door and cracked it open as far as the engaged door chain would allow.

And that’s when I first laid eyes on the trained animal named Jones.

 

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Survivors

October 21st, 2011 12 comments

I just wrapped up reading Survivors by James Wesley Rawles. At just under 400 pages it was a quick (I finished it in just two days) but entertaining read.

Survivors is about the end of civilization as we know it. Taking place after the collapse of the world economy, it details how several different groups of people manage to survive in a world with little electricity, no military, no food, and no rules. We follow a solider stranded in Afghanistan as he tries to make it back to America and family without the use of airplanes and commercial shipping, a brutal gangster as he builds an army and pillages his way across the States, a pack of power-hungry militants who claim to be the “new government”, and a lone community that’s able to produce gasoline resurrect itself from the ashes.

All four groups are destined to destined to meet at a flashpoint. Not everyone will survive.

With the direction that this country (and the world) is headed, the scenarios presented in this book are hauntingly believable. It details how the world economy functions, and how tenuous, manipulated, and false the whole thing truly is.

After reading this book I’m now looking at purchasing as many pre-1965 coins as I can, simply for the value in the metal alone. It’s this and ammunition, plant seeds, guns…anything with intrinsic value that will allow you to barter in the new world. IT professionals, CEOs, and weight loss clinics will be useless commodities. People who know how to farm, maintain engines, do metal work, have military experience, etc… these will be the ones in demand and worth their weight in salt.

Compared to One Second After, Survivors takes a less apocalyptic view on the collapse of society and how to best survive it. But both novels share the common viewpoint that tight-knit societies will be the ones that stand the best chance of survival.

The only qualm I have with this book (and trust me, I keep a collection of qualms always at the ready) is that it never completely finishes two of the side stories. I’m guessing that a follow-up is in the works? If not, then shame on the author for leaving us hanging.  That’s unforgivable.

All in all, I give Survivors 3.5 out of 5 MREs.

Next book up: A Fire Upon The Deep by Vernor Vinge

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The Slowest (And Fastest) Race In The World

October 20th, 2011 8 comments

I glued…GLUED!…to this clip.  I couldn’t wait to see how it ended, and I was not disappointed.

Apparently, the goal of this race is to go as slow as possible, baiting your opponent to ride ahead of you so you can surprise him with a quick burst of speed at the end.

This clip is nothing short of fascinating:

I know this is a slightly longer clip than I tend to post, but it’s well worth the view.

…and how long can you stand still on a bicycle?

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No, But I Saw The Movie

October 19th, 2011 11 comments

While surfing the ‘net and killing a few brains last weekend I stumbled across this quotation that initially seemed true to the core:

Never judge a book by its movie.
- J. W. Eagan

This conjures up many conversations I’ve had where it’s been said, “Oh, the book was much better than the movie!”

If so then Twilight must be a freakin’ masterpiece, Forrest Gump a unique achievement, and Jaws was the great American novel (if that novel was written by a 5-year-old).

But these are the exceptions that I personally know of first hand (I still break out in hives at how horrible the Forrest Gump novel is).  But I’ll admit that I totally understand where J.W. Eagan is coming from.  I can see how the movies The Road, Jurassic Park, Eragon, The Bonfire Of The Vanities, and The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy simply do not stand up to the magic of the books, and it would be tragic if these movies made people not want to read the novels, because they are all amazing.

I guess what we can take away from my random train of thought here is that:

1: I read way too much
2: I wasted 15 minutes writing this blog entry without really making a point.  Yay for me.   ;-)

But hey, if anything, here’s hoping that I can steer you away from one of the most disturbing, dull, and preposterous movies I have ever seen:

If you believe that blind people are somehow bestowed magical extrasensory powers just because they’re blind, you happen to really dig unsanitary living conditions, and you enjoy movies that drag on, and on, and on, then this is the movie for you.  *shudder*

Blindness just happens to be a prime example of never judging a book by its movie.

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