Terrible Analogies

Over the past couple of years I’ve been giving some serious thought about home protection. I’ve often thought about what would happen if somebody broke into my house in the middle of the night. Up to this point I’ve kept a Marine combat knife, a machete and a taser gun next to my bed, but really don’t relish the thought of hand-to-hand combat with an intruder at three in the morning.

And so, with much thought and deliberation, the wife and I have decided to purchase a gun for home protection. The gun we chose is a Mossberg 500 “Persuader” pump-action shotgun with pistol grip.

The way I figure it, any intruder will know the distinctive sound of a round being racked, and with a shout of “I’m armed!” the unwanted bastard will scurry out of the hole he crawled in through as fast as possible.

Purchasing a gun wasn’t the easiest decision for Karin to make, and I truly understand her hesitation, but my mindset is if the worst were ever to happen, that I’d have the proper tools to protect my family. I’ve seen enough disaster (and zombie) movies to understand the need for defensive firepower.

After a week of PowerShell cramming at work I think I’m going to take a cue from my kid and just relax this weekend.  Maybe read a book, order some Chinese food and watch a movie.  Oh, and get a haircut.  Nothing makes me feel refreshed like a good haircut can.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll hopefully see you back here next week when my posts will hopefully have a bit more tiger blood in ‘em…

I was having a conversation with my brother-in-law recently as I was helping him move his ancient 90′s widescreen television out of the house and down to Goodwill when he mentioned a television series that he was currently watching on DVD, and would I like to borrow them?

“No, thanks. I unfortunately wouldn’t have the time to watch ‘em.”

“Don’t have the time?” he asked quizzically.

“Yeah. Between work, reading, electronics, blogging, running, lifting, the kid and the wife I have very few free hours in my days. What work doesn’t take up the rest of life seems to. I honestly don’t think I’d have the time to work my way through the DVDs anytime soon. I just don’t have the time.”

“This reminds me of a book I just read,” the bro-in-law haughtily replied. “It’s all about how when people say ‘I don’t have time time’, what the really mean is ‘I don’t know how to prioritize my time’. It’s all about what more important? Should I call my wife, or do the dishes? Should I go grocery shopping or mow the lawn? Should I reply to that e-mail or play a video game? It’s all about prioritizing your life.”

“You sure you don’t want to watch this series?  It really is amazing!”

“I appreciate it,” I said looking as deadpan as possible, “but I just don’t have the time.”

Call me strange, but it seems to me that one can ‘prioritize’ all of the fun out of life if one so chooses, and no author with an on-line degree is going to tell me that I don’t know how to live my life…

BTW:  I just finished Stephen King’s Dark Tower V: Wolves of the Calla, and I have to say that I’ll never look at Harry Potter or Star Wars in the same light again.  This was perhaps the most enjoyable entry in the Dark Tower series.  Next up: Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer.

Ever wonder what would happen if a pirate owned a racehorse? Well, wonder no longer:

UPDATE: Ron from Vent has notified me that this video is no longer available. Many thanks, “George”, if that is indeed your real name…

After many years of searching high and low for one of my favorite albums from my past I finally managed to track down a copy!  There it was, huddled between Suzanne Vega and The Supremes, the CD that’s been eluding me since the late 80′s, covered in a thin film of dust, cover gouged and scratched, glossed over and ignored for so many years like that kid who sat in the back of the class doing his best not to draw attention to himself.

When I saw it my heart skipped a beat.

I was sure that the case was going to be empty, just another tease and bitter disappointment, but when I opened the scored and scuffed CD case there it was, and as beautiful as I remembered it.

What I’m talking about is one of the best worst albums ever recorded.  The Surf MCs seminal classic Surf Or Die.

Released in 1987, Surf Or Die did its best to emulate and capitalize on the recent popularization of the Beastie Boys and the modern burgeoning surf craze that permeated the culture of the time.  The Surf MCs did their best to mix beats, rap and indie punk guitar sound but came off as sounding something like the Beastie Boys slow, dim-witted cousin that nobody wanted to sit next to at the kiddie table for Thanksgiving.

It’s difficult to ignore powerhouse songs such as “This Surf Is Live”, “Gotta Get Air” and “You Will Get Served”, but somehow they were.  And it’s a damn shame too, because this album is so awful it’s amazing.  Their best known song, “Surf Or Die”, is as catchy as a date with Candy at the local Motel 6, and it’s impossible not to turn you car stereo up to ’7′ when “Big Wednesday” comes on.

Who can argue with the poetic flair of “Rock That Beach”, “Boomin’ It”, or the classic “Can’t Get A Tan”?:

“When I try to get a tan all I get is burnt
All my girlfriends say I should have already learnt
I’m tall cool one in the summer sun
Too late now, the damage already done
Can’t get a tan
(Can’t get a tan)
I’m so cool but I can’t get a tan”

And heaven help me, but even after having not heard this album in 20+ years I was still able to sing along with it on the car ride back from the used record store.

It’s odd what sticks with you…

And you know that you’re listening to ignored genius when even Last FM has no record of them:

I’m so cool I listen to bands to nobody else does.  This make me hardcore indie?

Keep on surfing, Surf MCs.  The next party wave’s on me!

Seriously…I love this album. (HermanTurnip hangs his head in shame)