540 Million Reasons

March 30th, 2012 10 comments

I’m sorry to have to tell you, but this will be my last blog post.  Ever.

You see, after today, I’m going to be a multi-millionaire.

I can feel it in my bones.  Today is my lucky day.  So certain am I of my future fortune that I’ve quit my job, put a down payment on Dick Clark’s old digs, placed a bet in Vegas for the Padres to go all the way to the World Series this year, rented out a suite at the MGM Grande for a week, bought a boat and named it “The Doorman Hates Volkswagens”, and filled my pool with strawberry JELL-O….because that’s what millionaires are supposed to do, right?

And so, when you don’t see a new post from me Monday morning, you can be sure that I’ll be chillin’ down in Rio, sippin’ mimosas and indulging in budinos.

Because….ya know, I’m going to win.  My fortune cookie promised.

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Moonrise Kingdom

March 29th, 2012 6 comments

There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Wes Anderson movies, and those who don’t

Me, I’m one of those people who loved The Life Aquatic, The Darjeeling Limited, and The Royal Tenenbaums. I can’t help it. Wes Anderson has a strangely skewed but appealing way of looking at flawed people and uncovering the hidden beauty within. His characters are people thrust into the heart of chaotic situations, who must overcome odds that are stacked against them, and eventually emerge the better person for having undergone the trails and tribulations unique to their experiences.

Wes Anderson’s latest movie, Moonrise Kingdom, is set for limited release in May. Sporting an amazing cast of characters and Anderson’s unique cinematic vibe, it promises to be yet another solid release from a director people either love or love to hate.

Here’s hoping to see you at the theater!

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Honesty

March 28th, 2012 9 comments

Whatever happened to honesty?  Why do so many people utter “white lies”, make up excuses, or tell people things that they just want to hear?

Sure, honesty can be brutal and cutting, but at least the honest person doesn’t have to keep track of their lies for future reference.  They don’t have to make things up to put on their resumes.  They simply tell it like it is.  No sugar-coating.  No easing up.  No worries about how they might come off to others.

I’m talking about callous, uncivil, merciless honesty. Just.  Like.  This.

Lady, in a world full of frauds and phonies, you are my new hero ;-)

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Music To Rebel To

March 27th, 2012 10 comments

I love music.

Actually, “love” might be too understated of a term; it’s more of an unhealthy obsession.

When my eyes were opened to the world of music, I was introduced to, and indoctrinated into, the ways of The Cramps, Yello, Talking Heads, Violent Femmes, Sisters of Mercy, David Bowie, Kraftwerk, Bauhaus, Operation Ivy, The Strangers, The Jam, and The Replacements.

Fishbone, Oingo Boingo, Frank Zappa, The Cure, Nick Cave, The Damned, and The Nails provided me with my soundtrack for my more formative years.

And today, at this stage in my life, I’m still heavy into music.  Nearly every genre of music has hidden gems that often go overlooked.  In fact, right now, in heavy rotation on my iPod is Saul Williams, Dr. Octagon, Ancient Astronauts, Blind Pilot, T-Bone Burnett, Chinese Man, Combustible Edison, RJD2, Disturbed, Curtis Mayfield, LCD Soundsystem, Portugal The Man, Eagles Of Death Metal, and The Cat Empire.

I have over 350Gigs of music on my hard drive.  Let me tell you, backing that thing up takes hours.

My listening habits are so diverse that my brother-in-law recently asked me, “When Tyler rebels against you, what music could he possibly use?”

I could only laugh, shake my head, and reply, “Country?”.

But I can’t imagine any son of mine stooping so low as to bump country music from his car stereo.  I mean, could he be so cruel and spiteful?   ;-)

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Five Minute Fiction 32

March 26th, 2012 4 comments

Five Minute Fiction Monday is an ongoing experiment. The goal: To write as much as I can in five minutes.  Don’t think.  Let the fingers do the work.  Once done, walk away then come back later to clean it up.

Enjoy?

Freaks

“You know what I miss most about the circus?” Jill says, taking a sip from a can of warm Coke.

“What’s that?” Mark asks, rolling down the window.

“The freak shows.  They don’t have ‘em anymore.”

“Tell that to Coney Island.”

“No, really,” Jill smirks, “Your Circus Vargas, your Barnum & Bailey, they have lions and bears and those damn high-wire acts with the Italian family all wearing matching tights, but when was the last time you saw an actual freak?”

“Are you serious?”

“Absolutely,” Jill says with a smile, suddenly becoming animated.  “My parents took me to the circus once, this must have been thirty years ago, but I remember seeing the Fat Lady, the Wolf Man, the two-headed baby in a jar.  I remember the small tents and sawdust on the floor, the smell of sweat and cotton candy, and the barkers with bad teeth.  Today it’s all elephants and poodles and women in oversized headdresses.  There’s no more tension.  Nothing bordering on the forbidden.  It’s all fluff and popcorn nowadays.”

Mark makes a lane change then turns down the stereo.  “You want to know why you don’t see freaks anymore, apart from the obvious?”

“Please?” Jill replies, placing her Coke can in the cup holder.

“They’re people, hon, and the days of freaks is long past, replaced with the Internet and cable television and pop music.  People no longer need to drive to a circus to see the ‘freaks’ when it’s much easier to open a browser and watch ‘normal’ people do freaky things online.”

“But what about the circus freaks?  What happened to Fat Lady?”

“Lap band surgery.  She’s now a divorce lawyer in Los Angeles.”

“The Wolf Man?”

“Laser treatment.  Owns a chain of fitness centers.”

“And the three-legged woman?” Jill asks.  “What happened to her?”

“Porn.”

Jill laughs incredulously, shaking her head, “You’re fucking kidding me!”

“No, seriously,” Mark says, changing lanes again.  “She’s pushing fifty, but she still produces her own line of smut, and does things that could make a eunuch blush.  She’s astounding, actually.”

“So, no more freaks?” Jill asks solemnly.

“No more than you or I,” Mark replies.  “Instead of ‘freaks’, let’s call them ‘uniquely talented’ individuals.”

“Just trying to make a living?”

“Just trying to make a living.”

“Well, shoot,” Jill says, rolling the now empty can of Coke between her hands and staring out the window.  “Good for them, I guess, but I still miss the old circus.”

 

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