Yep. The ShamWow guy, Vince Shlomi. He hasn’t been seen on air since beating up a prostitute in 2009.
Imagine my surprise when I turned on the television last night and saw good ole’ Vince, minus his annoying faux hawk, pitching something called the Schticky.
But where has Vince been all these years?
If you recall, Vince paid prostitute Sasha Harris $1000 for “straight sex” in March of 2009. When they arrived at Vince’s hotel room, he tried to kiss Sasha who then (according to Vince) immediately bit into his tongue and would not let go. Vince then struck Sasha Harris several times until she let released his tongue, causing facial fractures and lacerations. No charges were filed in the case
The whole incident sounded strange to me. I find it difficult to believe that a prostitute, who had just been paid $1000, decided to attach herself to Vince’s tongue with her teeth and not let go for no reason. Call it a nagging doubt, but I think something rough must have happened between them to illicit that sort of response. The whole situation never sat right with me.
And now Vince is back, and he wants to convince me to part ways with my hard earned money.
Count me out, Vince. Sure, the whole prostitute thing was conveniently hushed up, but your alleged stalking, emotional abuse, and unwanted sexual advances towards your assistant in 2011 is now public record. I’m not saying you did any of these things, but until I know who I’m helping to employ with my cash I’ll stay clear of the Schticky and any other other product you pitch.
I spotted this advert while perusing my collection of old medium. What initially caught my eye was the request for hair samples that an “expert” would use to deduce what color your flowing locks are, as if you’re unable to figure that little tidbit out for yourself. Perhaps this was a ruse; an innocuous ad masquerading as a legitimate business proposal whose true intent was to supply the burgeoning hair fetish scene of the freewheeling 1970′s with freshly shorn shocks of hair.
Pulling a dictionary down from the shelf and brushing away a thick layer of dust from the cover of the oversized tome I cracked open its virgin spine but was unable to find a definition for the word “modocrylic“. It simply doesn’t exist. Making an educated guess here I’m sure they meant to say “modacrylic”, but given the amount of money spent on this advertisement you would think that they would have at least spellchecked their moment in the sun before subjecting themselves to the merciless mocking of the hipster mustachioed set.
Not having any facial hair myself (short of my typical three-day shadow), I was unsure what a “Van Dyke” was. Firing up Google I was greeted with the following repeated result…
…but this just raised more questions than answers. Confused, I decided to simply let this point go.
This ad goes on to claim that all transactions are “Sold on money back guarantee”. What exactly does this mean? Do they slide all purchases over a photostatic copy of a money back guarantee, and does this money back guarantee apply to their product or to something else entirely unrelated? This sounds eerily like those banners which read “going out for business”. Whatever.
So, if you’re ever feeling the need to sport a “modocrylic” Van Dyke, send a sample of your hair to the good perverts at Masculiner Co., and in 4 to never weeks you’ll have your very own color coordinated set of artificial facial accessories to suit your “mood time”.
While researching and downloading music last night I came across several sites that hosted advertisements offering impossible to resist home refinance offers. This one in particular caught my attention:
Who exactly are the target demographic for such an ad? Crazy ex-hippies, homeless house flippers, or fringe religious gurus in their declining years coming to grips with their own mortality?
Who needs a cute Gecko or a funny pitchman when you have a face like this?
Odd. With years of surfing experience under my belt I’ve never personally seen anyone wearing a surfing helmet, much less one shaped like this. Perhaps the manufacturer intended for the user to wear this Kaiser helmet while surfing the Internet? But the publication date of this magazine is from the 60′s, and from what I know of history the Internet wasn’t around then, so that shoots that theory out of the water.
Another thought is that this helmet provided protection while channel surfing, but how many channels did they have in the 60′s? This is pre-cable, so…what? Ten channels? Fifteen? Did people need cranium protection while walking back and forth between the couch and the television to change the channel?
And so the question remains. What exactly was this “surfing helmet” used for, and how much protection could a three dollar piece of plastic provide? Certainly this wasn’t DOT approved?
Some oversensitive types in America are claiming that a recent commercial aired in Australia is racist. Now, on the surface I can see the problem some people in America might have with this commercial, but since this is an Australian commercial, and I personally have no idea what their society is like down there, nor do I know anything about their culture, history, and daily living experiences, it’s unfair for me to project my American prejudices upon this twenty second television commercial and shout “racism”.
One internet poster wrote: “I wouldn’t consider this racist. Context does matter and the fried chicken thing really is an African-American stereotype thing.”
KFC Australia said of the advert: “It is a light-hearted reference to the West Indian cricket team.
It’s funny how certain people are quick to play the race card without taking the entirety of a situation into account, often seeing things through American eyes and never understanding that America is just one part of a larger whole that has differing opinions, ideas, and values.
Some of you people out there have got to relax a bit. Not everything you see is American-centric. If that were the case, then everyone in the world would sit down to take a crap, there would be no such thing as beer vending machines (which, IMHO, are one of God’s greatest creations), and animals would not be sacrificed during certain high holy days. Please, just get a grip on yourselves. We’re not the center of the world. The sooner you accept that fact the happier you’ll be.
