Terrible Analogies

I drove over to the local mall during lunch today, and as soon as I hit the parking lot I knew I had made a terrible mistake. As expected the traffic in the parking lot was bad, but that anticipated nightmare was compounded by the ingeniously positioned four-way stop near the entrance that, for whatever reason, people simply can not handle. When encountering such an obstacle it seems as if most people lose their minds and find it impossible to properly negotiate their way through.

Once past the intersection I had to find a parking spot. Thinking I’d be smart, I headed to the usually deserted upper deck of the parking structure, but was disheartened to discover that I wasn’t the only one taking this tact. It was so crowded that even the handi-capable people were parking up here and slowly ambling their way down the steep arterial decline that spills them to heart the mall.

Twenty minutes later I finally succeeded in locating a spot between a BMW with a fraternity sticker on the rear window, and what appeard to be a monster truck jacked up on steroids with mud flaps emblazoned with silhouettes of naked angel & devil women (what’s up with these anyway? Why do I see them all over nowadays?).

What happened next, as far as I can recall, was a blurry haze of frenzied shoppers, aggressive kiosk owners, dirty/greasy smells from the food court, overpriced crap far out of my budget, people standing in the middle of the aisles talking on their cell phones (are you idiots not aware of your surroundings?), hastily thrown together pop-up stores, cat calendars, near-subliminal advertising passively seeping through the overhead speakers, faded holiday decorations recycled from years past hanging in storefront windows, and an aching feeling in my bones that I’m simply being taking for another overhyped holiday joyride ride again.

And it seems, for yet another year, that I’m complaining about this.  Pitiful…

Forgive me…I just had to vent.  I think I’ll crack open a beer and settle down to a viewing of Inglorious Basterds.  That should cheer me up and set me right.

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Sneaking away from work for a bit this afternoon, I found myself down at Fry’s wandering aimlessly through their blu-rays isles.  As luck would have it, I managed to find a copy of The Nightmare Before Christmas for $20 (a sharp decline in their normal asking price of $35), and was quickly making my way towared the registers with said movie tucked safely under my arm when this caught my eye:

The very first thing that crossed my mind was, “Geez…Winona Ryder has really let herself go…”

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Karin and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home on the couch watching the movie Eagle Eye.  Nearly an hour into the movie, when the (blank) reveals to (blank) that his life is (blank, blank, blankety blank…I’m not gonna ruin in for you), this quickly flashed on the screen:

Wow…apparently some of Jerry Shaw’s favorite movies include The Big Lebowski, Donnie Darko, The Usual Suspects, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (you’ve seen this film…right?), Office Space, Full Metal Jacket, and…Fight Club.  Not only was Fight Club listed, they used an image of the first DVD pressing.  Nice touch.

I’m an absolute slave to this film, and if I didn’t mention this sighting I’d have to turn in my Cool Kids Club card, and man…I wouldn’t want to do that.  After all, they serve hot ham-and-cheese sandwiches on Wednesdays for lunch…

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I’m a movie fanatic.  No, wait…that doesn’t sound right.  Movie buff?  No, that won’t do.  Movie freak?  Yeah, that sounds more like it.  What does my movie collection look like?  I’ll show you mine if you show me yours:

I’ve often been asked what my “Top 10″ movies of all time are.  Well, my top five have been pretty solidly locked in place for years now, with the six through ten slots changing a bit over time.

If you were to ask me today what my top ten movies are, this is the list I’d rattle off:

1) Fight Club
“We have front row seats for this theater of Mass Destruction. The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this, because Tyler knows this.”  And so begins this modern tale of confusion, mistrust, empowerment, schizophrenic behavior, and soap.  Beautifully filmed and very nearly loyal to the novel, David Fincher captures the alienation and minimization of the individual in the face of a corporate, materialistic world, and how it sends one man over the edge.

2) The Warriors
Based on the ancient Greek story Anabasis, about a group of mercenaries trapped deep behind enemy lines, The Warriors follows a street gang after a botched truce meeting in the Bronx as they bop their way back to the safety of their home turf of Coney Island.  This 1979 film is highlighted by imaginative gangs and costumes (go Furies!), and from what I’ve read was actually considered controversial for its time.  Any movie that Pop Will Eat Itself sampled heavily from is okay in my book.

3) 12 Angry Men (1957)
Throw some of the finest actors of a generation into a room, lock the doors and let the cameras roll, and you have the makings of one of the finest films ever captured on celluloid.  Henry Fonda leads the cast as the lone holdout on a jury who, over the course of the film, gradually sways the eleven other jurors over from their impetuous guilty judgements.  This is the very definition of a character driven film.  

4) Repo Man
It’s hard to imagine a time when Emilio Estevez had a viable career, but in 1984 he starred as Otto in this movie about (surprise!) repo men.  Part schtick, part social commentary, a dash of conspiracy, and a heaping pile of musical goodness, Repo Man not only stands the test of time, it forms a cornerstone of cool in an era of self-importance in the “Me” generation.  It’s 4 A.M., do you know where your car is?  Oh, and +1 for the inclusion of Harry Dean Stanton!

5) The Matrix
Locked in a prison we can’t see, ruled over by Agents we can’t defeat, leading lives we have no control over.  This is The Matrix, and Neo wants to free humanity from it’s invisible shackles.  Ground breaking for its time, the Wachowski brothers forced the red pill down our collective throats, allowing us to see what binds us, and what will eventually set us free.  The Matrix is the one movie all other science fiction movies wish they were.

My top 6-10 movies are very fluid, with a few jostling for position, and a couple that have fallen out of favor, replaced by new/old comers.  These movies are, in short:

If I had to recommend one of these as a “must watch” film, it would have to be The Dish.  It’s a lighthearted film about the Australian contribution to the first landing on the moon and the subsequent television broadcast of Neil Armstrong’s first tentative steps on the surface.  Brilliantly cast is Sam Neill as the head of the Parks team, and Puddy (er, sorry…Patrick Warburton), as the U.S. liaison.  An absolutely charming movie, perfect family fare, and an essential part of any movie collection.  Just go watch it already!

So….what are some of your favorite films?

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What’s the point of DVD / Blu-ray cardboard sleeves?  The same information and pictures are printed on both the sleeve and the movie itself.  In this environmentally conscious society we find ourselves in nowadays, why are the movie companies wasting paper with these worthless sleeves?  

Isn’t it a bit hypocritical when studios force those lame “environmentally friendly” blu-ray cases on us, yet they insist on killing trees and using harsh bleaching chemicals to produce these useless sleeves?

Go on, spot the difference.  I dare ya.

Oh, BTW, Benjamin Button was on sale at Fry’s today for $14.00.  Peeling back the layers of stickers revealed the original price of $29.95, which proves that one should never by blu-ray movies on their release date.

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