Terrible Analogies

My sister gave me an Amazon gift card recently, and before I could thank her (thanks, sis!) I knew what I wanted to use it for.  That’s right…a new 6×6 Rubik’s Cube.

Or, more precisely, a new V-Cube.  Created by a Greek designer and produced in Greece (think they can sell enough of these to get their economy back on track?), the V-Cube represents the natural evolution of the classic Rubik’s Cube.  The mechanics aren’t as smooth as my Eastsheen cubes, but I’m quickly getting used to it, and have noticed that the movement has become a bit more fluid after a day of playing with it.

On my first night with this V-Cube I managed to solve it in two hours by using known patterns.  A day later and my time is now down to less than 30 minutes.  Many of the same algorithms that apply to the previous cubes can be ported to the 6×6, with one new algorithm required to complete the center cubie section.

The V-Cube is slightly larger than the 5×5, and is noticeably heavier.  This is one hunk of plastic that feels good in the hands.  There’s a solid click with each rotation that you’ll want to keep an ear out for to avoid lockups.

Here are scans of the package insert (click on them to embiggen).  Instructions on how to assemble one of these bad boys can be found here.

I have a quick question: What happens if, while playing poker, somebody dies at the table with an open hand?  Does that count as a fold?  Is the hand re-dealt?  Does anyone get to see the dead man’s cards, or do they go back into the deck face down?  What happens to the pot, and the dead man’s bets?

I’m sure Vegas has rules for such things, but I’ve never seem ‘em.

And, on a completely unrelated note, the brother-in-law hooked me up with a copy of Fallout 3 for Christmas, and I’ve been playing it nonstop ever since.  Sure, it’s not quite as expansive as Oblivion (which I loved to death and played through twice), but it’s one of these games that seems to pull you right in and sucks the life from your very marrow.  I find it difficult to put down.  I swear, I’ve only managed eight hours of sleep these past two nights.  I feel like a zombie but I’m dying for another fix of this accursed game.

It’s funny how these addictions seem to catch you when you’re most unprepared.  Heh…

Taking the Eye In The Sky from the bookshelf, I study the box and wonder, “just who is their proofreader?”

For the past few days I’ve been glued to my arcade machine, unable and unwilling to tear myself away for any great length of time.  I’ve found myself addicted to a game I had somehow managed to miss during my arcade-hopping years in the late 80′s to early 90′s.  Lost in a shuffle of neon lights, Vegas-style low-shag high-traffic carpeting, change machines, and questionable chain smoking characters lurking behind glass counters, eyeing the kids with malicious intent was this game that I had only, in these recent days, come to discover and absolutely embrace.

This game goes by the name Nitroball, and it currently owns my soul.

Nitroball can best be described as a cross between Smash TV and NFL Football, set inside a gigantic pinball machine.  I know how funky that sounds (heck, the logistics and costs of constructing such a massive pinball machine located at the edge of space in and of itself boggles the mind), and that’s part of the appeal of this game.  In Nitroball, you play the part of a “soldier” in a futuristic game show, and your goal is simple; kill the baddies and grab the prizes.  Thin on plot, but interesting gameplay and unusual visuals keeps you pumping in quarter after quarter.

Not much thought went into the design of the tease screen...

Apparently this game takes place inside a huge pinball machine floating at the edge of space

You play Gary, an ex-Navy "sregeant" (whatever that is). At over 6' and weighing in at a gangly 177lbs, I don't think our hero stands much of a chance against the upcoming onslaught.

Look at the kind of crap Gary has to contend with: spelling competitions, crazed overall-wearing ducks, villains in purple leisure suits, and autonomous robots showering the field with high explosives.

Mini-boss time!

Laying waste to "Ghost Town"

Ghosts, and zombies, and truckers...oh my!

It's nice to see that, in the distant future, dual cassette tape decks are considered "big prizes"

You can keep your XBoxes, your PS3s, and your newfangled Atari 5200s.  I’m keeping it real, rocking the original games that made going to the arcades so much fun back in the day…

I was playing Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker on my MAME arcade machine the other day, deftly fighting my way though wave after wave of knife-wielding rednecks, skulking mobsters and deadly robots, armed with nothing more than my crystal-encrusted glove, my chimp buddy Bubbles, and my electric personality, when something struck me as a bit…odd.

Attacking our fearless hero Michael is a surprisingly well prepared army of “roaring 20′s” style gangsters, cloaked hit men, gas-tossing chemists, as well as manned and unmanned robots.  Amid this cast of characters there seemed to be a subset of baddies who appeared to not be wearing any pants.  By all indications, they were coming at Michael “commando” style, fully cocked and ready to rock:

Okay, I can understand if this was a poor color choice for pants, yet  I still question the developers for what I can only assume to be design input from MJ himself.  I was going to let this slide until, later in the game, another strange thing began to attack our lone champion:

This mini-boss has eyes for our intrepid smooth criminal.  His weapon of choice: A metallic battering ram that repeatedly thrusts in and out from the waist area.  Long, hard, and green, this boss wants nothing more than to repeatedly violate Michael about the face with his protruding tool.  If our slide glidin’ adventurer doesn’t beat this foe off quickly enough, miniature golden bosses are spawned, each with a similar rocket in its pocket aimed at Michael’s lower gyrating extremities.

If by "wondrous and magical adventure" you mean "tied up and held captive", then I'm sure you will Michael. I'm sure you will...

As a child I don’t recall Moonwalker being so graphically questionable, but as an adult playing this game, I wonder if “game designer” Michael Jackson was trying to tell us something about himself way back in 1990…