Terrible Analogies

Being the movie geek that I am, I was excited to hear that the first six minutes of the upcoming movie Batman: The Dark Knight Rises will be attached to the new Mission Impossible 4 movie coming out on December 22nd.  The only caveat?  It must be shown only on IMAX screens. So, those of you with an IMAX theater nearby, you’re in luck!

I must admit to being a fan of the Mission Impossible flicks (sure, John Woo botched part 2, but whatcanyoudo?), so getting a quick peek at the new Batman movie should tide me over until its release in July of 2012.

Oh, and in case you missed it, here’s a neat outtake from The Dark Knight.  I think they axed it from the final cut because it was too gritty, or something…

Gordon: “Stop! Stop! It’s not the Joker! It’s a birthday clown.”
Batman: *Punch!*

Heh….comedy gold!

While surfing the ‘net and killing a few brains last weekend I stumbled across this quotation that initially seemed true to the core:

Never judge a book by its movie.
- J. W. Eagan

This conjures up many conversations I’ve had where it’s been said, “Oh, the book was much better than the movie!”

If so then Twilight must be a freakin’ masterpiece, Forrest Gump a unique achievement, and Jaws was the great American novel (if that novel was written by a 5-year-old).

But these are the exceptions that I personally know of first hand (I still break out in hives at how horrible the Forrest Gump novel is).  But I’ll admit that I totally understand where J.W. Eagan is coming from.  I can see how the movies The Road, Jurassic Park, Eragon, The Bonfire Of The Vanities, and The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy simply do not stand up to the magic of the books, and it would be tragic if these movies made people not want to read the novels, because they are all amazing.

I guess what we can take away from my random train of thought here is that:

1: I read way too much
2: I wasted 15 minutes writing this blog entry without really making a point.  Yay for me.  

But hey, if anything, here’s hoping that I can steer you away from one of the most disturbing, dull, and preposterous movies I have ever seen:

If you believe that blind people are somehow bestowed magical extrasensory powers just because they’re blind, you happen to really dig unsanitary living conditions, and you enjoy movies that drag on, and on, and on, then this is the movie for you.  *shudder*

Blindness just happens to be a prime example of never judging a book by its movie.

I have to let my geek flag fly here for a minute…

The first theatrical trailer to the upcoming movie The Avengers if finally out, and I couldn’t be happier with the way this flick is shaping up. The movie studios appear to have the superhero formula down to a science, and it’s about time that we get a team-up flick showcasing some of the best that Marvel has to offer.

My only quivel, if there is one offer, is that Bruce Banner isn’t being played by Edward Norton. But I guess that had to do more with behind-the-scenes shenanigans on the part of the studios than a lack of enthusiasm on the part of Ed not wanting to reprise the role. Instead, they’re going for an unknown to play the good doctor.

Bah. Humbug.

I’m an admitted blu-ray junkie collector. I rarely get out to see movies in the theaters (for a variety of reasons), but I think I’ll have to make an exception when The Avengers is finally released!

And bonus points for the inclusion of “We’re In This Together” by Nine Inch Nails.

See you at the movies!

It took me nearly two hours to get home last night because some joker thought it’d be a great idea to shoot people while driving down the freeway, forcing the cops to close off the 805 while they conducted an investigation.

Full of anger and righteous ire, I sat down at my laptop and was ready to vent when I saw an e-mail somebody sent me that talked about an amazing looking bit of film.

The Fall:

In a hospital on the outskirts of 1920s Los Angeles, an injured stuntman begins to tell a fellow patient, a little girl with a broken arm, a fantastical story about 5 mythical heroes. Thanks to his fractured state of mind and her vivid imagination, the line between fiction and reality starts to blur as the tale advances.

Directed by Tarsem Singh (who worked on The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button and The Cell), and presented by David Fincher and Spike Jones, The Fall was released on blu-ray in 2008, one year before I began collecting movies in that medium.  To atone for the sin of missing this film I ordered a copy last night.

I just thought you’d like to know that something like this exists:

I’ve now completely forgotten why I was so upset…

So…the intellectually challenged monkeys over at Warner Bros. have let it be known that they’ve fast-tracked a Point Break remake. Devoid of ideas yet in need of a payday, Warner Bros. has decided to pick over the bones of Keanu Reeves’ career and the corpse of the recently-deceased Patrick Swayze, undoubtedly eager to replace Swayze’s spiritually aware surfing guru character with a narcissistic X-Treme sports addict, Reeves’ FBI agent with an urban hip-hop transplant from the Big City, and Gary Busey’s character with Gilbert Gottfried.

To quote producer Michael DeLuca:

’Point Break’ wasn’t just a film, it was a Zen meditation on testosterone fueled action and manhood in the late 20th century and we hope to create the same for the young 21st!

“Zen meditation on testosterone”? Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth, Michael?  Why does this inane quote instantly turn me off to the idea of remaking this cult classic?

I’ve got a better idea.  Instead of placing your greedy hands on Point Break, why don’t you instead do a remake of, oh…I don’t know…Cassablanca?  What about Raging Bull, Pulp Fiction or Big Trouble In Little China? Come to think of it, why not do a remake of The Help?  I know, I know…The Help is still in the theaters, but after four weeks doesn’t it seem a bit long in the tooth?  I say it’s time to remake it, replacing the character of Skeeter with a junky with a heart of gold (I hear Emilo Esteves is available), and the maids with the cast of Glee.  It’ll be HUGE!

Lowest common denominator…here comes another slack-jawed, morally bankrupt movie aimed directly at you.  I know you were hungry for another Step It Up sequel, but trust me, I’m sure it’s in the pipeline.  Just give ‘em a few more months to crank it out.

“See you hell, Johnny!”