So…the intellectually challenged monkeys over at Warner Bros. have let it be known that they’ve fast-tracked a Point Break remake. Devoid of ideas yet in need of a payday, Warner Bros. has decided to pick over the bones of Keanu Reeves’ career and the corpse of the recently-deceased Patrick Swayze, undoubtedly eager to replace Swayze’s spiritually aware surfing guru character with a narcissistic X-Treme sports addict, Reeves’ FBI agent with an urban hip-hop transplant from the Big City, and Gary Busey’s character with Gilbert Gottfried.
To quote producer Michael DeLuca:
’Point Break’ wasn’t just a film, it was a Zen meditation on testosterone fueled action and manhood in the late 20th century and we hope to create the same for the young 21st!
“Zen meditation on testosterone”? Do you hear the words that come out of your mouth, Michael? Why does this inane quote instantly turn me off to the idea of remaking this cult classic?
I’ve got a better idea. Instead of placing your greedy hands on Point Break, why don’t you instead do a remake of, oh…I don’t know…Cassablanca? What about Raging Bull, Pulp Fiction or Big Trouble In Little China? Come to think of it, why not do a remake of The Help? I know, I know…The Help is still in the theaters, but after four weeks doesn’t it seem a bit long in the tooth? I say it’s time to remake it, replacing the character of Skeeter with a junky with a heart of gold (I hear Emilo Esteves is available), and the maids with the cast of Glee. It’ll be HUGE!
Lowest common denominator…here comes another slack-jawed, morally bankrupt movie aimed directly at you. I know you were hungry for another Step It Up sequel, but trust me, I’m sure it’s in the pipeline. Just give ‘em a few more months to crank it out.
Wow! I had zero idea that these scenes were improvised. These unscripted moments helped shape modern cinema, breathing life and soul into movies in a way that the written word is unable to convey.
My personal favorites are: #20 (The Dark Knight), #16 (The Warriors), #12 (Jaws), #9 (Casablanca) and #6 (Blade Runner)
In all honesty, it was tough picking out personal favorites because they’re all uniquely amazing…
I have very vivid childhood memories of reading the collected works of Little Nemo In Slumberland while visiting my grandparents in San Francisco. I’m glad to see that, even after all of these years, Nemo was never forgotten.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to check my totem to see if I’m actually awake…
Since these cute guys have been known to use tools to hunt down and kill their enemies, lets see what happens when we give ‘em automatic weapons:
This appears to be a viral video for the upcoming Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes flick. Unfortunately this movie doesn’t feature Corneilus, Dr. Zira, Lucius, or even Helena Bonham Carter in an ape suit, so count me out. I’ll most likely wait until it shows up on blu-ray before watching.
Which is a shame really, because monkeys wielding guns is one of my greatest fears, ranking right up there with drowning, brussels sprouts and the comedy stylings of Sinbad.
I’m not sure how this news managed to get by me without attracting my attention, but a few sneak peek photos of the upcoming The Hobbit films have been leaked out. I find myself glad that Guillermo del Toro eventually abandoned his directorial post, freeing the reins for Peter Jackson to do what he does best. Although I’m a big fan of del Toro, Peter Jackson simply owns Middle Earth, and having anyone else other than him direct these films would be a crime.
Feel free to head on over to Digital Trends to catch up on what’s going on with The Hobbit.
