Terrible Analogies

[HermanTurnip plants tongue firmly in cheek]

I’m all for expressions of faith, but the “pointing to the heavens” every time a professional athlete catches a football, makes a touchdown, hits a home run, pulls a hat trick, scores a goal, does a hairpin net shot, knocks an opponent out with a wicked hospital pass, dunks the rock, chops the lob, spins a draw to the jacks, knocks a strike as the anchor, rescues an eagle from casual water, rips an entry from a pike position, or even skewers an opponent upon opening gambit, he or she points up to the heavens to thank the lord above for making such a move possible.

Far be it for me to demand that such symbolic gestures cease, but I wonder if professional athletes give as much thanks for their dropped balls as they do for the ones that they catch.  Isn’t dropping a ball just as big of a miracle as a caught one?  For once I’d like to see Greg Jennings, DeSean Jackson or Hines Ward drop a game-changing third down pass lobbed straight at their numbers, then point at the sky and give thanks.

We were watching television late last night when an advertisement caught my attention.  Apparently Playmates has a line of toys modeled after malicious man-killing machines from the movie Terminator Salvation that are being marketed directly to young children.  Now, I know that Terminator Salvation is rated PG-13, but it just feels odd to target young children like this with toys modeled after hyper-violent fictional characters from a movie aimed at mature audiences.  

I felt the same way when The Dark Knight was out in theaters.  The toy companies tried to shoehorn in toys tied to that film.  At best it felt like an awkward attempt at trying to cash in on such a somber, violent movie.  At worst, one could feel the greed that oozed from these toys.  The Dark Knight simply didn’t translate itself well to the toy market, and gifting a toy modeled after a serial killer or a machine hellbent on the destruction of mankind could send mixed messages to an impressionable mind.

But then again, I guess it all depends on the maturity level of the child.  Who am I to say?

Anyway, watching this commercial last night got me thinking; what other movies have the toy companies overlooked that could quite possibly be a cash cow for them?  Here are a few of my suggestions:

No Country For Old Men: Toy set comes complete with replica pump-air powered cattle gun, oversized “lucky” U.S. quarter, english-to-spanish dictionary, and miniature bag of money.

Death Race (2008): Includes a scaled version of Frankenstein’s customized ’72 Riviera with spring-loaded machine guns, Hector Grimm action figure with detachable head, temporary facial tattoos, and replica prison workout yard replete with miniature weight set and chain link fences.

Fight Club: Kit comes with bottle of lye, a slice of fatback, oils and salt, a $10 coupon for a Goodwill shirt, primer cord, and an imaginary loaded gun.  Kids, use with parental supervision. 

The Big Lebowski:  Inside a bowling ball shaped container your special snowflake will find a miniature pin set with roll-out bowling lane, a Jackie Treehorn coloring book, a The Dude action figure with removable sunglasses, roach clip, and glass beverage, and a rug inspired from the film that ties the whole set together.

Really, I think the toy companies are missing a huge opportunity here.  There’s a whole segment of the marketplace that hasn’t been exploited yet, and would be willing to pay big bucks for toy sets such as these.  Heck, the collector segment alone could bankroll this idea.

After three extremely busy days at work, my mind began to wander as I was driving home tonight.  What I started thinking about was some of the smaller things that makes life worth living; nothing earth-shattering, merely sprinkles on the ice cream.  Without getting too Zen, here are just a few of the things that sprang to mind as I drove home on automatic, absentmindedly following the well worn path home like a homing pigeon, lost in thought, barely aware of the traffic around me:

Finding money in the dryer
The smell of hot asphalt after a quick rain
Cracking open the spine of a new book
When a cashier opens a new register for you at a crowded supermarket
The goosebumps that run up your arms when you hear that certain song
The distant sound of a train’s air horn as you’re drifting off to sleep
Being the tenth caller
That “A-Ha!” moment when your subconscious solves a difficult problem 
The Nails Dangerous Dreams album on vinyl
Digging into a cereal box for the prize
When the artist on stage looks directly at you
The childhood memory of the smell of coffee and cigarettes
Lacing up new running shoes for the first time
Catching all of the green lights
The soft purring rumble of my cat as she sleeps curled up against me
When the movie theater is empty except for you
Dusk at the ocean and dawn in the desert
Holding hands with the wife
The feeling of the moment right before you fall asleep 
The squealing sound ice makes as you slowly grind it between your teeth
That new carpet smell

We all have tiny pleasures that act as counterbalances to the daily demands of life.  They pop up when you least expect them, acting as a sort of pressure valve slowly bleeding away stress before it all becomes just a bit too much to handle.  As a bonus, you never know when one of these moments will occur, making each appearance an unexpected gift.  And it’s these small things that we tend to often overlook until you realize how much you miss them, and how much their modest contributions help give life meaning.