I have three basic tenets in life that I follow, and thus far they’ve kept me out of trouble. They are:
1: Don’t get in a fight with a guy who has rolls of skin running down the back of his neck
2: Avoid getting in a property line dispute with a neighbor who has webbed fingers
3: Never dine at a strip mall eatery that offers half off sushi
Call me crazy, but that’s how I roll…
Seattle weather in southern California. It’s amazing how quick (the royal) we are to complain about the rain, but when your life revolves around outdoor activities, when it rains your weekend trail running plans are completely shot to hell. Driving becomes impossible because Californians simply can not drive in the rain. It’s like an “idiot chemical” messes with our synapses at the slightest hint of inclement weather. Our rods and cones get jacked up. Electrical impulses between our brain and our appendages become interrupted and incomprehensible. We deserve the jokes.
It’s as if we’re hardwired to do stupid. In fact, I firmly believe that there’s a complex underground, secretive cottage industry that revolves around anticipating what stupid thing we’ll do next, then attempts to warn us not to do what we’re thinking of doing. Like, oh….I dunno, playing in traffic, running with scissors, or lighting a camp fire and pitching a tent in a parking lot of the local dollar store. We have to be told that this sort of activity is unacceptable.
Then you have the times where we’re too sly for our own good. Like a monkey farking a football we’re often left scratching our heads trying to make sense of our surroundings. For example, I wanted to give my San Marcos GNC on Auto Parkway a few hundred dollars for items I needed, but I was unsure if they were going to open back up five minutes from now, or five minutes from then… Needless to say I simply left, unable to comprehend exactly when they intended to return, opting instead to order online from a different company.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to believe the wicked string of bad luck I had encountered within the span of a few hours. Taking the easy way out I decided to just give up on life. Stripping off my clothes and tossing them into the parking lot I quickly realized that I was not cut out to endure cold, windy, and wet climes whilst naked. Hoping against hope that I would stumble across a store that specialized in togas, imagine my surprise when, in a fit of delirium brought about by exposure to the freezing elements I blindly shoved my way through the glass doors of a random store and found myself here:
Finally, my luck was turning. Warmed again by a bolt of newly-acquired bleached, albeit scratchy material majestically bound about my glorious naked torso and cinched tight with a strand of stately golden rope, I confidently strode outdoors like a victorious god into the embrace of a dimming sun as it strained warm rays through stifling dark clouds. My restored belief in the kindness and dignity of mankind was, alas, shot down in a ball of fiery demonic flames when I caught sight of this travesty:
I firmly believe that there’s a special place in Hades for self-important bastards like this. Mental defects such as this “person”, who can’t park straight because they believe that the world revolves around them, deserve to be the target of divine wrath and swift holy vengeance.
I have a reoccurring dream. This dream is to purchase a fleet of beater cars. Obtuse, heavy, and ugly. And with these vehicles I’d hunt down and park inches away from jerks like this. I’d park one on each side of these jokers, making it impossible for offenders of common decency, such as this individual, to get into their cars. And I’d sit there, in my royal robes and sun-god smile, and laugh. I’d point with a sharp, judgmental finger, and laugh.
…And so, this is how I spent fours hours of my life this past Saturday. Ya know….just in case you were curious.
If you didn’t already know, I’m currently in the market for a new car. The wife and I are thinking about having kids and I need to find something bigger than my Honda S2000 two-seater.
As luck would have it, while walking through the parking lot on my way to get a haircut today, I think I located the perfect vehicle. The long search is over!
What I stumbled across was a vehicle that holds more than four, has ample room for lugging items, would be perfect for a family getaway, and has a custom paint job.
This vehicle was, to put it mildly, a work of art. It’s a shame I was unable to track down the owner to offer cash-in-hand for this custom ride…
It was obvious that the owner poured his heart and soul into this creation
I'm assuming that the owner of this van is of Spanish descent, loves rock-n-roll, and has a penchant for gnawing on license plates. Ya know, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this van belongs to my old high school prom date...
Karin and I took a quick spin to Home Depot to pick up a new air filter for the house when we spotted this urban camper settled in for what appears to be an extended stay. Notice the satellite dish next to the camper door? The man must be on a serious shopping mission.
If nothing else you gotta admire his dedication to staying off the grid. It’s this type of person we’ll be looking up to when machines finally take over…
