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Posts Tagged ‘strange’

My Thirsty Plastic Pal

July 20th, 2009

It was a hot one this weekend.  With temperatures in the low 90′s, it was all I could do to step outside into the backyard and raise the umbrella over the patio furniture before collapsing in the nearest chaise lounge.  The cat refused to follow me outside, and my goal of getting to Mt. Baldy was squashed.  

Needing some liquid refreshment, Karin and I wandered into our local grocery store to pick up water, soda, and juice (and beer for the small party we were throwing Sunday eve).  Outside, teetering dangerously forward, threatening to release its built-up potential energy upon anybody foolish enough to dare approach too close, was this statue of a biped of unknown origin.  Utilizing a circulating water system, bluish water would flow into what I interpreted as the “mouth”, drain through various plastic orifices, gurgling its way trough the innards of my plastic pal, before falling out the bottom and beginning the journey anew.

What I thought of as I did my best impression of Lebowitz was, “Somebody gets paid to build these things?  Man, am I in the wrong profession..”

Oh, and “evian” spelled backwards is “naive” (just in case you were never aware of that ‘lil fact).

Random, Strange Encounter, Unusual Sightings , ,

My Dream Last Night

June 30th, 2009

I had a nightmare (if you can call it that) last night.

There I was, a miniscule version of myself, walking around in my own mouth.  I was traversing the vast expanse of my molars, sliding gracefully down my canines, and trudging over my slick gums as I slunk in awe under the etherial arches between my teeth.  My bicuspids were islands, set deep into my pink flesh, each with moats of spittle pooling together, surrounding my enamel with a protective ocean barrier.  My lower incisors were massive flat towering sheets of ivory, stretching high into the atmosphere, forming a jagged, shadowy skyline in the heavens.

On my tongue, in place of taste buds was an uncountable, rolling carpet of Curly heads (the guy from the Three Stooges).  They spotted me and in unison said, “it’s not what you do, but the way that you do it.”

And then I woke up.  

Ever have one of those dreams?

One of the more disturbing

One of the more disturbing animated .gifs I've seen in a long while...

Personal, Random, Strange Encounter , ,

Seriously…

May 28th, 2009

…What kind of toys are kids playing with nowadays?

In the span of a single afternoon I happened to stumble upon:

Disgusting Anatomy Heart:  Have you ever found yourself standing in your darkened kitchen late at night, with the only light coming from the single dim frosted bulb inside your open refrigerator?  There you are, slouching into the open box, your arm draped heavily over the door as you slowly scan its chilled contents.  Unsure what you want to eat you’re suddenly overcome with an overwhelming, insatiable desire to hold a slick, pulsing, quivering human heart in your bare hands.  

No?  Strange…I can’t believe I’m the only one ever to have that feeling.  

+1 for the bonus eyeball kit.

Gabby Girl: High creep factor with this toy.  I’m not sure where the manufacturer was going with this doll, but the posable mouth, flickering tongue, beady, vacant eyes, and 80′s inspired clothes propels this toy into the high stratosphere of the uncomfortably abnormal.  

Recently I’ve been having this reoccurring nightmare of waking up in a cold sweat and seeing that sometime, in the dead of night, this life-sized doll had silently pulled up a chair next to my bed and has been patiently sitting there, in the dark, inches from my face, watching me sleep.  The only sound I hear is a sticky, rubbery *smack* *smack* as it gums it’s lips together, her dead eyes staring straight into my shivering, cowering soul.

This doll eerily resembles a cousin of mine who lives in San Francisco, but with fewer facial piercings, no chronic cough, and absence of strict vegan diet for “religious reasons”.

Gummy Tapeworm: Knowing that by eating this it’ll soon be working its way through my colon is enough to make me want to wash my hands after handling the package.  I wonder, if I ever had an opportunity to eat a real honest-to-gosh tapeworm, would it taste like apple?  Who knows what a tapeworm tastes like?

Okay…that’s enough disturbing thoughts for one night…

Strange Encounter, Unusual Sightings, food, toys ,

Insect Found In Michelina’s Frozen Dinner

February 25th, 2009

I received an urgent e-mail from Karin today.  In it she asked how my day was going.  Did I feed the cat this morning?  What new movies were released on blu-ray today?  Oh, and by the way, did I know that she found a bug in her frozen dinner this afternoon?

At first I thought that must be a typo.  Did she just say that she found a bug in her frozen dinner?

At home this evening she brought up the bug issue once again, showing me a cell phone picture she took.  I couldn’t really make out what was in the picture because of the poor quality (see below.  I cleaned it up as best I could).  Still not quite believing her, Karin pulled out of her bag a paper cup stuffed with tissues.  She told me that this is what she found in her Michelina’s frozen meal.

Wrapped up within these tissues was this monster:

Yummy!

Worm found in a Michelina's frozen dinner

I'm glad Karin brought this home to be photographed. Slightly disgusted, but glad ;-)

One of the offending frozen dinners that contained the bug

One of the offending frozen dinners that contained the bug. Not the same box or dish that the bug was found in, but the same brand bought at the same time as the bug dinner. If this bug dinner was inspired by a chef, I'd be sure to double-check his credentials...

Karins original cell phone pic

Karin's original cell phone pic

As you can see, this bug was flash frozen in a Michelina’s dinner.  We’ll never buy this brand again.

What’s really annoying me about this is that somebody, somewhere, has a Michelina’s frozen food product which contains the other half of this bug.

So…what’s in your freezer?

UPDATE: Belliso Foods contacted us in an effort to correct this situation.

Commercial Product, Strange Encounter, Unusual Sightings ,

Frank And The Aliens

February 19th, 2009

While perusing the blu-ray isle at Fry’s yesterday I heard a tiny voice behind me say, “Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions about blu-rays?”  Unfortunately for me I had to reply in a positive way, “Sure!”.  Turning around I found the wavering voice belonging to a man in his late forties, well dressed in a sweater and slacks, carrying several packs of empty DVD cases.  He asked if I noticed a difference between blu-ray and standard DVD.  He asked if I was upgrading movies in my collection to this new format.  He asked about television resolution and speaker systems.

Then he asked me if I believed in aliens.

Just like that he asked me.  Out of the blue.  Do I believe in Aliens?

I quickly learned that his name was Frank, and that he thought secret military transport tunnels criss-crossed underneath the entirety of the United States.  Frank claimed that this was how Cheney made good his escape to a fortified undergound bunker during 9/11, but that they can’t make these tunnels in California “because of the earthquake fault lines.”  Frank also claimed to have intimate, first-hand knowledge of Area 51, and that the main operations had been moved to a hidden location deep in the Canadian interior.  Apparently, Aurora was old news, and that a new “invisible” aircraft had already been developed to take its place.  This knowledge was, of course, passed on to him during closed door meetings he had with some of the “top brass” while serving as a medic in the Navy some ten years back.

And so I stood there like an idiot, blu-rays in hand, listening intently for any sign of a verbal pause from Frank so I could excuse myself from the conversation, but he continued on with barely a breath.  The conversation morphed into a giant run-on sentence.  Frank’s words were bullets, and I was the target.  

He asked if I knew about Tesla, and how big corporations squashed innovation in favor of old technology to keep the money rolling in.  Frank lamented in great detail on Wernher von Braun, and did I know that satellites are spying on us this…very…second?  ”If Google has satellites capable of identifying people in their backyards, imagine what the military possesses!”  Frank also wanted to know if I knew that his wife has a glass eye.

I finally had to interrupt him, asking if he had visited any number of online web sites dealing with this sort of thing. Faking a concerned look at my watch, told him that I unfortunately had to take off.  

We shook hands and parted ways.  Frank headed for the registers and I made my way to the back of the store just to open up some space between us.  I didn’t want to chance another encounter with him in the parking lot.

I wondered what makes somebody open up to a complete stranger about aliens, ufos, and secret military bases.  Is it loneliness, as Karin pointed out to me, or do I just look like the approachable sort to conspiracy theorists?  I’d like to think that there is some sort of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, but this compulsion to spew obsessively memorized “facts” to any total stranger too weak (or in my case I can’t dismiss people, out of empathy) to simply stand up and walk away is a bit too much for me. 

Have you ever had one of these encounters?

Strange Encounter