Terrible Analogies

Apparently, drivers in New Zealand are incapable of slowing down when it rains.  The problem, I’m to assume, is so severe that an advertising agency has created billboards that bleed in an attempt draw attention to the issue.

Eye-catching, to say the least.  I have to wonder, though, if it’s too distracting.  Here in California we have the Amber Alert system that activates electronic signs along the highways that are meant to convey critical information when a child is abducted (or something else equally heinous) and the cops need people to keep an eye out for suspect vehicles.  When these signs are on, people lose their minds.  They begin to drift into other lanes and become incapable of traveling at a safe speed.

I can only imagine how people in New Zealand will react when they spot these bleeding billboards for the first time.  At night.  In the rain.  With an eerie song playing on the car radio.

All right now…if you’re going to show off your phone, at least shell out a few extra bucks for a hand model that doesn’t suffer from occupational dermatitis.

In one of the more anticipated chats at All Things Digital, Palm Executive Chairman Jon Rubinstein showed off the Palm Pre and talked about several features of the smartphone for the first time.

Yikes!  Those are the hands of Palm’s Executive Chairman?  Now, I know that Palm has hit hard times recently, but come on Jon, spring for a bottle of Jergens.  It’s called “moisturizing”, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of…

There are quite a few topics I’d like to address, but as I sit down to write this post I’m not sure which one to focus on:

1- Air Force One doing a low-level flyover of Manhattan and ground zero.  What moron thought that was a good idea?  Whatever happened to “the buck stops here“?

2- Swine Flu:  What’s the real story?  Why is Mexico taking extreme measures to combat this illness while America sits back and does nothing?  Is this a case of hype over facts?  Did you know that 36,000 Americans die every year because of the flu?  The victims are typically the very young and the very old.  This Swine Flu (no, I’m not going to call it H1N1) seems to be killing people of all ages.  I’m not quite sure what to believe about this illness, but I’m not about to panic.

3 – Arlen Spector: The man who created the “single bullet theory” switches political parties, jumping ship to the Democratic ticket.  This is the same Arlen Spector whose key vote helped pass Obama’s pork-filled stimulus bill.  Face it, he switched sides because he had no chance in hell of being re-elected in the upcoming Republican race.  This is yet another example why nobody should be forced to vote along party lines.

4- The University of Central Florida has developed a new technology which could allow for a single disc to store over 4 terabytes of information.  Call me jaded, but I won’t get excited until I can hold a data crystal in my hands.

But above all of this dire news and political flack one thing really had me questioning my faith in humanity and all that I hold most dear in this world.  I thought I knew everything, that nothing of this magnitude could have possibly escaped my finely honed observational senses for all of these years.

Did you ever notice who the supervising producer of Who’s The Boss was?

You doubt me?  See for yourself:

Sometimes I shock myself at what I find newsworthy…

Whelp, it looks like Edgar Mitchell, pilot of Apollo 14 and record holder for the longest moon walk, is set to talk about his UFO experiences at this week’s X-Conference 2009.

I point this out to shamelessly segue way into my own personal “encounter” I had many years ago.

To preface this a bit, let me tell you that I am not a loon, nutter, or whackjob.  I believe the vast majority of people who know me will testify to that belief.  I’m a levelheaded individual that walks with a debunker’s gait, and I’m not easily swayed by the latest hype.  With that being said…

Fifteen (has it been that long?!) years ago I was in my parent’s backyard with my 10″ Dobsonian telescope checking out the Orion Nebula when I saw what I was sure was a satellite slowly tracking across a backdrop of stars.  I watched with interest as this solid point of light steadily arched its way through the sky when suddenly and without warning it changed direction ninety degrees and shot off in a streak of white light, disappearing behind the silhouette of a neighbor’s house.  

My immediate reaction was a cool, “Well, that’s odd.”

And that’s my story.  Fascinating, I know.  I’m still not sure what I saw that night, but I’ve ruled out satellites, planes, meteors, space debris, hallucination, fireworks, and swamp gas from a weather balloon that was trapped in a thermal pocket which refracted light from Venus.

I’m still not sure what it could have been, but I’ve not seen it’s kind since.  I often go camping at Joshua Tree and Anza-Borrego and am quite used to being under an intimidating curtain of stars.  I know what satellites and airplanes look like as they cleave paths through the heavens.  I’ve witnessed my fair share of meteor showers.  Heck, I’ve even seen a plane accident at an air show.  But I’ve never, ever seen anything like what I saw that night many years ago.

Spotted these while cruising around town finalizing our Easter purchases.

I’m not quite sure how to interpret this well dressed pandemonium of pirate monkeys, all of whom are throwing devil horn signs while at the same time sporting a Fonzie-esque thumbs up.  

In the dark recesses and meandering alleyways of my addled brain I’m sure there’s a small region where reason and cognizance intersect to form an enlightened understanding of the original artist’s intended message, but I’ll be darned if I can’t get my neurons to wrap themselves around this image.