Terrible Analogies

Working a bit of overtime a couple of weeks ago, I was trapped inside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon staring at a computer screen, working on my fluorescent tan in cubicle hell, asking myself who I could have possibly offended in a previous lifetime to have earned this dubious position in life. Finally, after many hours of carefully treading that fine line between numbing boredom and maniacal rage, I let out a muffled, desperate huff, threw my hands above my head, stood up and stomped my way out of the office to grab a breath of fresh air.

Spying an inviting bench on the far side of the lawn, I thought I’d sit for a spell and take in a few minutes of scenery that this carefully position piece of cement future must offer.  I mean, why else was it placed there if not to offer a key vantage point to a vast expanse that showcases the meshing of man and his environment?

Taking a seat, I let out a slight sigh of relief from the pressures of my daily duties.  Anxious to unwind I looked up, expecting to be awed and humbled by a scenic vista spreading out before me, but instead I was greeted with this sad sight:

Hmmm, not exactly what I was hoping for.  Standing up and moving three feet to my left revealed the panorama I had been expecting to see:

I swear, next weekend I’m bringing my own hedge trimmers…

I swear, if I didn’t know any better I’d think that these guys have a miniature camera secreted away in a dark corner of my living room, watching me multitask whilst trying to “relax”.  

It’s funny how “relaxing” in the modern world means having to constantly monitor communications from work via e-mail and cell phone, reviewing the latest news on the web, and keeping your Twitter / Facebook / MySpace / Blogs constantly updated with fresh info.  Whatever happened to unplugging, reclining in a chaise lounge in the backyard, and reading a good book?

It’s no wonder some people tend to burn out on requirements of the modern age.

Nothing more than that. Taking a day off from blogging…

It seems…no, I take that back…I *know* that we’re being asked to do much, much more at work with fewer and fewer resources.  For the past several weeks I get home in the afternoon and I’m just spent.  But I guess I really shouldn’t complain.  I’m sure many of you out there are in the same boat.  I do appreciate the fact that I have a sit down job, and don’t have to do much heavy lifting unless a server needs to be built or moved.

My Cubicle. Spot Locke and win a prize!

If I was given the opportunity to drop what I was currently doing, selecting a brand new job of my choice, and could jump ship into any other career path with no questions asked, I guess I’d have to go with:

- Killer whale trainer at Sea World
- Voice over actor for infomercials
- Ice Road trucker
- Breakfast cereal taste tester
- Anagram spellchecker
- Zamboni driver
- An undercover asset
- The guy who makes up names for bands
- Master of time, space, and dimension

But I guess I’ll be stuck administering computer systems, forever tasked with finding the quickest and most cost effective way to get more done with less.

Oh, before I forget, I must implore you to pick up the latest album from Street Sweeper Social Club.  Don’t think, just do.

Tom Morello from Rage Against The Machine and Boots Riley from The Coup have put down some solid,  tight tracks reminiscent of Rage’s revolutionary vibe, but with less screaming. Clap For The Killers is without a doubt the standout track, but Megablast, Fight! Smash! Win! and 100 Little Curses drill through your speakers with driving Morello-signature guitar work (seriously, Morello is a guitar genius).  Eric Gardner holds the entire thing down with fantastic drum work.  No driving bass speakers here, that’s Gardner all the way.

Along with Vampire Weekend’s self-titled Vampire Weekend, Elvis Costello’s latest effort Secret, Profane, and Sugarcane, Kasabian’s The West Rider Pauper Lunatic Asylum (Kasabian is back to old form!), and Placebo’s newest Battle For The Sun, Street Sweeper has been on heavy rotation these past few days.

I’m amazed at how many great albums have been released recently.  If you’ve been away from the music scene for any amount of time, now is a perfect time to come back.

A typical day for me:

6:50AM: Wake up, get dressed
7:45AM: Arrive at work early.  Update Sharepoint with patch data.  Resolve unpingable server issue
8:30AM: Coding begins again as I continue to undercover how jacked up Windows 2008 is
10:00AM: Attend meeting.
11:20AM: Lunch.  Picked up 28 Weeks Later on Blu-ray at Fry’s (on sale!)
12:20PM: Coding continues on Server Verification program.  Research 2008 default profiling
1:30PM: Coding continues.  Finally have 2008 automatic OS authorization working
2:00PM: Coding continues.  Woot!  Have proof of OS authorization reporting correctly to logs
2:10PM: Resolve why VM host keeps dropping from network
2:35PM: Yay!  Someone took our IP from a VM host.  Ganked it back & dropped their server
2:50PM: Coding continues.  Working on FTP log transmission & error catching subroutines
3:10PM: Repair broken .vbs script.  Charlotte and San Diego now communicating
3:45PM: Emergency request to find missing Novell data, which wasn’t missing.
3:55PM: Coding continues.  Automating 2008 Admin security profiles
4:15PM: Coding continues.  Trying valiantly to hide user account information upon log in
4:30PM: Another emergency.  Cracked into locked server whose password was forgotten
4:45PM: Throw my hands up, tear out my hair, demand my stapler back, walk out early

I’m done thinking for now.  Going home to take a shower and throw on a Babylon 5 DVD (just started season 4).  I’ll leave you with a picture of our cat because, well…just because.

…and before I forget, I want to give a shout out to Nicole from The Madlab Post for her generous review of my blog, and for placing me in amongst the top five badass blogs of 2009 (thus far).  It’s this supportive community of bloggers that makes the whole ritualized blogging process a rewarding one.  Everyone, from the readers, to the contributors, to the writers have my utmost respect.